Bored teens are a problem in this country?  Talk to any group of folks concerned with adolescents, and you’ll hear that a lot of the bad things happen because many teens have nothing to do. They’re bored so they get into trouble.

So, what do bored teenagers have to do with toddler twins?  Boredom prevention starts early.  It begins when parents clearly distinguish their own needs and perceptions from those of their children.

Boredom Breeds Early

Here’s an all too common scenario.  A new parent peers over the side of the crib and sees a baby lying there unable to walk, talk or even lift its head.  The parent imagines how it must feel to be so helpless.  If the adult had just to lie there, he or she would feel bored.  Therefore, the adult figures, the baby must feel the same.

The solution seems simple enough:  entertain the baby.  At the slightest whimper parents pick up their babies and carry them around.  Or they may buy bunches of crib toys designed to entertain. They dangle things in front of their babies—things that make noise and move.  And they prop their babies up in front of the TV.

What the parents don’t realize is that babies have keen senses and a whole new world to explore.  They don’t need to do much except lie around and take everything in. Boredom is not a problem for babies.  It’s a problem for adults.

Creating whiners

Multiples especially have an infinite variety of things to observe because they have each other. And it’s not just human life that’s interesting to them.  The whisper of a breeze and the flutter of a curtain at a window provide a world of wonder.

When adults entertain babies rather than appreciating their need for lying around, they teach babies to be dissatisfied with life’s little pleasures.  Children learn in a hurry that just a little whimper can summon mom or dad to liven things up.

When this happens, babies stop observing curtains and listening to the wind.  They forget that they have the capability of creating their own activity.  They get hooked on more sophisticated entertainment.  Then, when this entertainment stops, they whine and fuss, validating their parents’ original assumption.

This problem creeps right into toddlerhood.  Some parents are so used to keeping their babies entertained that they don’t let up when the little ones get up on their feet.

Instead, they liven up their entertainment acts, provide more sophisticated toys, and turn the TV on more often, adding video tapes and finally computer and video games.  None of these things: toys, TV, computer r video games, are problems in themselves.  The problems come from adult perception that children don’t have ability to find self-satisfying ways to spend their time.

I’ve noticed that children who can easily create their own activities are those who watch little or no TV, have a reasonable number of toys, an environment set up for them to play and parents who assume their kids can figure out things to do on their own.

Let Kids Entertain Themselves      

It’s not that those children who think up their own activities don’t ever get bored.  All children get bored sometimes, but boredom serves a function.

It provides an incentive for children to pursue new interest and create new activities.  When parents see that their children are truly bored (not just bored in the mind of the parent) it’s better to give them space and time to think up something to do rather than jumping in and fixing the problem for them.

I’m not trying to make parents feel guilty.  Instead, I’m trying to look at a widespread problem that seems to worsen every year.  It isn’t anybody’s fault.  After all, we want the best for our children.  However, most of us were influenced by the push for early stimulation.

We bought into the message that it’s a parent’s job to be sure children have plenty to do.  I’m not exception.  I know firsthand about the tendencies we all have to entertain our children and keep them happy.  Part of the problem is that, as a society, we see childhood as a period that should be free from burdens, so we don’t require youngsters to take part in any of the work of creating and maintaining the home or the community beyond.

As a result they spend their childhood seeking entertainment.  But when they run out of entertainment, they complain or get into trouble.

Toddlerhood is the perfect time to start teaching children to help out around the house.  Two-year-olds like to do “grown-up things” if given the chance.

Of course, they don’t have adult skills but can learn them through seeing that their involvement is part of keeping the house in order.  Now, we don’t want to overburden toddlers with too much responsibility.  Childhood should be fun.  It’s fine to play with toddlers and buy them toys.

The issue is overindulgence.  You can tell you’ve gone too far when children come to expect to be entertained and forget how to keep themselves’ occupied.

Janet Gonzalez-Mena of Napa, California, teaches early childhood education at Napa Valley College.  She is author of the book Dragon Mom and the mother of five children.

The post Avoiding the Boredom Trap appeared first on TWINS Magazine.

But that didn’t stop the contractions, and soon 30-year-old Kelli was placed under house arrest—no going to work, no trips to the park with her two-year-old son, not even a drive to the grocery store.

“I tried to stay upbeat, but it was really lonely lying there all day,” says Kelli. “At about three or four in the afternoon, I would start going nuts. I just wanted someone to talk to or a project to do.”

Feelings of isolation and boredom are common among the over 700,000 women who are prescribed bed rest each year for pregnancy complications, including premature labor and multiple babies. A little preparation and planning can help pass those long days in waiting. Based on suggestions from those who have been there, the following guide can help you not only survive but thrive while staying off your feet.

What to Keep on Hand

Resist the temptation to get up by keeping these items within arms’ reach:

• A container of water and a drinking cup (to stay hydrated, try to drink at least eight glasses a day);

• A cooler or dorm-size refrigerator for snacks, meals and drinks;

• Toiletry items in a makeup case or other small bag;

• A tray or table for eating and writing (an ironing board can be lowered and raised to the right level);

• A telephone, personal telephone directory, and a local telephone book;

• Entertainment equipment, such as a radio, television, walkman, or computer;

• A communication device, such as a baby monitor, walkie-talkies, intercom, or bell;

• A storage container, such as a hanging shoe rack with pockets or a three-tiered storage shelf on wheels, to keep craft supplies, reading material, pens and paper, and other necessities nearby.

Bedside Parenting

“When parents and children join forces during mom’s bed rest pregnancy, most children do just fine,” says Dr. Deborah S. Simmons, a licensed marriage and family therapist in St. Paul, Minnesota, who experienced her own bed rest pregnancy. “The key is to keep life as normal as possible, and to reassure your children that you’re still there for them.”

Sticking to a regular schedule, including meals, bedtime, and activities, is important. Also, try to follow the same family rules and rituals.

Giving children the opportunity to help you can also make them feel more in control. Even very young children can talk to the baby, rub your tummy, bring you items, and do some meal preparation.

Explain to your children that you can’t go to the park or play ball outside, but you can spend time together playing games, coloring, and reading. Some good choices: “And Mommy’s on Her Side: A Children’s Book About Bedrest” and “My Mommy Is on Bedrest,” a coloring book (available from A Place to Remember, call 800-631-0973; or order online at APlaceToRemember.com). Or, request the free “Mommy and the Hospital” coloring book by sending a self-addressed 8½ x 11 envelope with three First-Class stamps to: Beth Mosele, 2525 Maconda Lane, Houston, TX 77027 (you may download the PDF version free of charge from Sidelines.org).

Lifting Your Spirits

“Being trapped in your home or the hospital, not doing the tasks you normally do, can make you feel inadequate,” says Kristine Jablonski, a Placentia, California, psychotherapist who was on bed rest herself during two pregnancies. You also have too much time on your hands to worry about your family, household, finances, job, and your babies’ health. “For mothers expecting twins, it’s double jeopardy. You worry about two lives,” says Jablonski.

What can help, she says, is finding ways to gain some control of your situation. Try to keep to a daily routine: take a morning shower and change clothes; eat meals and snacks at regular times; schedule times for naps and visitors. Make to-do lists for helpers, and do small projects from bed that won’t cause added stress, such as folding clothes and organizing files.

Celebrating each day that passes can also help. Write a V for victory on a calendar, or light a candle at the end of the day. When a week goes by, share a movie or massage with a loved one. Try not to focus on the length of your bed rest sentence; a trimester or even a couple of weeks can seem unbearable. Instead, take it one day at a time—and soon, you’ll have those babies in your arms.

Learn Your Limitations

Bed rest orders can range from some activity restrictions and periods of lying down to strict bed rest at home or in the hospital. According to Dr. Judith A. Maloni, a leading researcher on pregnancy bed rest at the Bolton School of Nursing at Cleveland’s Case Western Reserve University, “A woman must understand the reason her doctor is recommending bed rest, and she must get clear guidelines as to what she can and cannot do. A second opinion from a high-risk obstetrician is a good idea, too.”

Some questions to ask:

* Can I continue working full-time or part-time, or will I need to go on temporary disability?

* Can I take care of my children (specify ages and needs), or do I need childcare?

* What household chores can I do, and which ones should I avoid?

* How often and for how long can I get up during daytime hours? (Short walks throughout the day may reduce inactivity’s ill effects, such as muscle and cardiovascular weakening.)

* How often can I take a shower or bath?

* Can I eat meals at the dinner table, sitting up in bed, or should I lie down to eat? (A tablecloth thrown on the bed and a bib can catch those crumbs and drips.)

* Can I drive, or be a passenger in a car?

* In what ways can I be intimate with my partner?

The post Multiples Pregnancy Bed Rest: What to do if you’re sent to bed appeared first on TWINS Magazine.

“Maybe three hours? I’m not exactly sure.” Honestly, this was probably a conservative amount, but I never really kept track. Who had time for that?

“She should be getting no more than her age, in hours, per week.”

Gulp. “Six hours a week?” I asked.

“Yep. Try screen sticks. Some parents find it easier than you think to limit screen-time.”

She described screen time as any face-to-screen time, no matter the device or screen. Television counted, YouTube counted, games on a device counted—every screen and every minute weighed in for “screen time.” She explained screen sticks like currency. Each stick, issued at the start of every week, represented a specific number of minutes. The child chooses to use the sticks at their discretion, but when they’re gone for the week, there is no more screen time left. 

“Right!” I remember thinking. “Like that’ll work!” Cutting screen time in half seemed like a nightmare/whine-fest/Herculean feat that I simply didn’t have the energy to oversee.

She wrapped up our visit, and we were on our way, all five of us like a parade, traipsing to the elevator and out through the parking lot. On the drive home, I couldn’t stop thinking about our conversation concerning screen time. I often allowed our daughters’ screen time with hesitancy. I knew screens didn’t necessarily encourage brain development and wondered how it would play out as our twins joined the screen-begging crowd. Her idea lodged itself in my frontal lobe, unwilling to budge.

Even though the twins overloaded all efforts at home, I couldn’t shake the doctor’s idea about screen sticks. Almost immediately after kicking their shoes off at the door, the girls asked if they could watch a show and I let them, in order to wrestle the twins down for a nap. They groaned when I turned off the television and I groaned back. In my mind, I admitted, the screen time battle wore on this mama’s heart and head.

When detailing the doctor’s visit to my husband that evening, I presented the screen stick idea and we decided to try it. My husband, an entrepreneur, liked the idea of teaching the girls budgeting through screen sticks. I pulled some colored popsicle sticks from the craft cabinet, blue for our oldest and purple for the second. I wrote their names on each and the words “Screen Stick” and “30 minutes.” 

The next Sunday evening, we sat them down, passed out the screen sticks, and then crossed our fingers under the table.

We told them how we wanted them to be smart and creative and overall, flat-out awesome. We told them the doctor said one way to help in the awesome department meant cutting back on screen time. We laid out the plan: give us a stick and you can have screen time for 30 minutes. When the sticks are gone for the week, so are the screens.

Our oldest, a typical first-born, asked a lot of questions with hesitant excitement. She liked the idea of being the boss of something all on her own! She seemed ready. She even helped explain it to her four-year-old sister. I tossed my husband a sideways grin and he read my mind, “We’ll see how long the excitement lasts.”

The first week proved painful. They ran out of screen sticks by Wednesday, and I spent a considerable time initiating play between the two, and occasionally playing along with my four-year-old while her sister was at school and the twins were napping.

Week two worked better. They waited until Friday to spend their last screen stick and with a busy weekend, we didn’t miss the normal allotment of screen time. 

But I never could have predicted week three. They had screen sticks leftover! I couldn’t believe it! What I thought would be a nightmare/whine-fest/Herculean feat turned out to run itself and save my girls from too much screen time. My part of handing over the sticks every Monday morning was easy. Their part of handing over sticks throughout the week worked like magic! 

Over time we noticed screen sticks helped us all by:

• Drastically cutting down on the kids’ screen time.
• Initiating creative play. (Why watch a show when you can “be” the show?)
• Showing the girls the importance of budgeting: their sticks, their time, and their priorities. (Dora or Blues Clues? Big decisions.)
• Offering the kids’ a sense of control about their own screen time.
• Cutting down on screen time for the grown-ups in the house too. (We didn’t want to turn on a screen only to have them watch, so we kept the television off until after bedtime.)
• Teaching our four-year-old the days of the week and a better sense of time.
• Landing a solid parenting win. (Those are harder to come by than it appears!)
• Creating a healthier emotional and cognitive environment for our kids’ development.

It turns out, my pediatrician knew encouraging play over screens takes parent initiative but results in simple success. Screen sticks offered a manageable solution in our busy home. We’ve ditched the sticks at this point in parenting, but the guidelines are the same. Our kids look forward to creative play and do not depend on screens to fend off boredom. As a result, they thrive at school and at home with confidence in their critical thinking, social skills, and creative ideas. Now, instead of biting my lip with uncertainty, I meet the pediatrician’s question about screen time with a winning smile and high-fives around the exam room. 

The post Managing Screen Time Without Tears appeared first on TWINS Magazine.