Multiple multiples? Where do you even start to count your blessings?

At the best of times, parenting is a challenge. Add several sets of children all going through the “terrible twos,” the “ferocious fours” or the troubled teenage years at the same time, and the thought is often enough to make someone go a bit crazy. Where do you find the strength and energy? What kind of support is available? How does your marriage survive when it seems that life is focussed on the children? How do you have a normal life, and what does a “normal” life even look like?

We sat down with two families in Canada’s Golden Horseshoe to discuss parenting multiple sets of twins, to learn what their lives are like, what unique challenges they deal with every day, and what advice would they give to other parents in the same parenting boat.

Multiples often run in families so news of expecting twins is not that surprising for some families. For Kim Tait of Oakville, the news that she was expecting a second set of twins wasn’t as surprising or shocking as you might think. She says, “I just knew. I think your brain prepares you for this type of shocking information. We weren’t trying for more kids, so when I got pregnant again, I knew it was (twins) and wasn’t surprised when they told me.” For Lyndsay Petican of Burlington, the news was taken pragmatically. “We were like yes, this is what we do! We make twins. We already had the infrastructure, like car seats, cribs, and highchairs,” she explains.

We asked both families what they did differently with each set, or wish they had. For the Taits, they agree they became smarter the second time around. “With the first set we both tried to be up all the time to feed them; we realized with the second set that it’s impossible. So, we split the night up, doing shift work. My husband liked staying up late so as soon as my older daughter went to bed, I’d go to bed and wake up at 4 a.m. and start my day then. The babies would eat around 2-3 a.m. and then again around 5-6am. Feeding two crying babies in the middle of the night on no sleep is no party, but we found a system and stuck with it. It became easier with time.” For Lyndsay she explains that she definitely has a different viewpoint on parenthood, perhaps as any second time parent might. She tries to remember that “everything is a stage, and where newborn twins is really hard, it too is just a phase.”

As her kids started school, Lyndsay is learning from her actions with her older girls. She kept her daughters together until grade one, and then had them separated in school, as they began wanting their own friends and experiences. She’s been thinking of separating her sons earlier so they can grow more independent.

If there’s any advice either family would have liked to have in advance of having their second set of twins, it would be, according to Lyndsay, to “just be kind to yourself, try not to fixate on what you can’t do, and enjoy the things that you can. It is really hard at the beginning but it pays off in dividends doubly later.” For Kim, she said knowing what to expect probably made things a bit worse. “I knew it was going to be insane, and it was. We had four little boys in diapers at the same time.”

Many couples struggle with maintaining the romance in their marriage once kids come along. We wondered if having not just one, but two sets of children, and maybe even a singleton or two in addition, changes this part of their relationship dramatically? Or, does it strengthen a marriage in ways other couples might not understand? According to Lyndsay Petican, “My husband and I work as a great team… we have to. We try to get alone time where we can by grabbing a breakfast date or a quiet cup of coffee before all the kids awaken. We found it was easier when I was working to meet for breakfast rather than going out for dinner. We had a lot of our date nights by just making dinner and hanging out. Once every couple of months we go out for dinner and every year we have a kid-free vacation to Vegas or Nashville to relax.”

Kim’s experience is a bit different. “I would be lying if I said it didn’t have an impact on our marriage; this is hard. We are both working full-time, I commute an hour and all the kids have activities, so we are running in different directions all the time. Our kids are still young, so they need us for a lot of things; for now, we divide and conquer and at the end of the day we are exhausted and start all over again the next day. We don’t have a lot of time to just sit and talk, but as they say, this is a season of life, it’s constantly evolving and changing. Date nights are a challenge too. They get expensive quickly as we tend to have to hire two people to watch the kids. Add dinner and a movie and the cost adds up. So we don’t get to do it much unfortunately.”

Self-care is an aspect of life that is challenging for all parents, but even more for parents of multiples. Lindsay says her children’s nap time is very important to her, she tries to work out during one of the nap times, and online shopping has become very important to her, in order to keep her sense of self sometimes.

Support from family and the community is also invaluable as parents of multiples sometimes feel isolated because they can’t find time for themselves or time to leave the house to run errands or take part in recreational programs with all their children. Both women agree that without either a nanny or family members to help out, life would most definitely be more challenging. Lyndsay explains that with her first set of twins she “hung around singleton moms and felt very sad about the activities that I didn’t feel I could manage on my own (i.e., swimming, hikes). I spent a good bit of time grieving the maternity leave that I thought I would have. On my second mat leave with my boy twins I hung out with a lot of twin mamas; we mostly hung out at other people’s houses to keep all of our kids contained and less stress-free.” For her own well-being, and so an outing wouldn’t end up in tears (either the children’s or her own) she stopped signing up for programs that she knew were going to be unsuccessful for their family dynamic. Lyndsay also had support from her Mother-in-Law who would watch the boys to allow her to leave the house by herself and run errands. That was a much-needed break.

For the Taits, who have no immediate family nearby and have full-time jobs that often require travel, a nanny was the only way they could survive. When the nanny wasn’t available or one of the parents was out of town, their kids became used to doing their homework at a sports arena while the other siblings had a hockey practice. “We just drag them all along,” she explains.

We wanted to know if there exists any extra government of community support for parents with multiples. Lyndsay explains that she joined a twin mom group and they were a great support during maternity leave. “Maternity leave with twins is not relaxing, a longer maternity leave of two years would’ve really been great as you only received one year (when I was on mat leave).” She recently began volunteering with the Halton Breastfeeding Connection to support new moms and new twin moms with breastfeeding. It’s her way of giving back. For Kim, she wishes there had been more financial support when they had to have two nannies. “There is a maximum we can deduct for childcare on our taxes; we have definitely exceeded that each year. I wish there was flexibility there!” They have, however, found some support with rEcess Oakville, a respite program that offers free care to children with disabilities and their siblings while their parents enjoy a night out once a month.

For all the joys that multiple multiples bring, there are of course, emotional challenges. As might be expected, for both women, finding individual time to spend with each child is difficult but much-needed. For Kim, who has an older singleton daughter, she especially tries to spend some alone time with her because she knows her daughter needs that alone time the most. Both women agree that finding quality one-on-one time with each child is what they have the most mom guilt about.

Every parent wishes they could bond equally with their kids. For parents of multiples, it can seem like a daunting or impossible pipe dream. Lyndsay’s advice to new parents of multiple multiples is “be kind to yourself. Some days one child is needier than the other and then the next day it changes. It will not always be fair and equal, but you try to do the best for those kids and their own temperaments.” For Kim, her family has its own challenges, as her two youngest twins both have special needs, so she realizes she must spend more time with them. Her son Zackery is on the autism spectrum and she expresses, “he has definitely taught me so much about humans in general. I thought I knew how to parent, but boy has he challenged me in absolutely every way. There are days where all our focus is on him. His twin has moderate to severe ADHD, so he is always very busy. I make a point of spending time with my daughter alone, but I know this is a constant challenge and I’m very aware of it.”

Aside from bonding and finding time for each child, what seems to be the biggest challenge of having multiple multiples? “The price of daycare for multiples is crippling,” says Lyndsay. It can be as much as a second mortgage. Kim explains for them, it’s time management and not having a big safety net. That frustration of the unknown from day to day, makes this really hard sometimes. It especially hits home when there are health emergencies and everything seems so overwhelming.

We wondered how their families are coping with the isolation and quarantine of Covid-19? Lyndsay admits, “So much togetherness time has the increased the sibling fighting. My kids are happiest when we go out on adventures, but with limited adventures and limited contact with friends, especially for my 10-year-olds, this has been especially difficult. But in many ways, it has been easier too. Lindsay explains, “Our mornings are way less hectic. We let the girls sleep in. We don’t have to rush to make lunches. My husband has been home to help a lot more as he hasn’t been travelling for work.” And Kim agrees, “I think there is where big families shine. I can kick them out into the backyard, and they all play together and can entertain themselves (and each other). I think having a single child might be harder than five!”

In conclusion, the greatest joy for both families is seeing how all their children interact and love each other. For Kim, who herself is an only child, she didn’t understand the dynamics of siblings before she had children. “Watching the five of them interact is fascinating to me. I love just sitting back and watching them work through something together without us intervening. My daughter being the oldest, tends to take charge and all four boys listen to her lead. I think she will benefit from this role in her own life. And certainly, for the kids to have each other once we are gone is reassuring.”

For parents of multiple multiples, life is definitely busy, crazy, fun, exhausting and so much more. It’s parenting, multiplied. It’s also blessings, multiplied.

The post Double Double – life with two sets of twins appeared first on TWINS Magazine.

About Park Street:

Park Street offers an affordable, experience-based education to help students learn, socialize and develop while earning a reputable education. We offer a structured remote-learning environment with a curriculum that has been designed to engage students while also allowing them to experience the world they want to live in. For parents, it provides the educational certainty and confidence that comes from an integrated learning environment that allows their children to reach their full potential. Visit parkstreetedu.com to find out more.

I’ve lost count of the minutes I’ve spent sat in front of my laptop trying to convey, with authenticity, my complete adoration of Amanda Gorman’s poem ‘The Hill We Climb’ for the purpose of this article.

22-year-old Amanda Gorman made history as the country’s youngest inaugural poet and it is very clear that she is not going anywhere; she will continue to be a figure that will punctuate the world’s future tapestry. After staying up late on January 20th 2021 to put together a resource for the students at Park Street and teaching it multiple times to multiple age groups since then, I am still thinking about the impact of this poem and the ways in which it can be used in a classroom setting, discussed over the dinner table at home and even be used in the context of a workplace to inspire meaningful discussion.

Yes, the poem is linked, inextricably, to America, but the poem’s themes transcend geographical boundaries. The poem is about the struggle towards triumph over adversity, the weight of history, the power of unity and collective effort – the list is endless. Consequently, I believe that it will be incorporated into curricula all over the globe and it is exciting that today’s children will be the first of generations to hear, read and study this poem. As well as including a full lesson on this poem which you are more than welcome to download and use. You can find it here.

When reading this poem, here are some suggestions as to how you can discuss it at home with your children:

1. Write ‘The Hill We Climb’ in the middle of a piece of paper. Ask your child what they think this means. Explain that it is a metaphor. Ask them to think of any hills that they have to climb.
2. Print off a copy of the poem.
3. Ask your child to read the poem without listening to it and highlight words and phrases that stand out to them. Then, play the recording of Amanda Gorman’s delivery.

• Did anything different stand out to them this time?
• Zoom in on one or two phrases they have selected.
• Ask them why the poet chose these lines.
• Have your child select their favorite part of the poem and create a piece of artwork that either incorporates the language of the poem or the ideas behind their chosen quotation.

‘The Hill We Climb’ by Amanda Gorman

Kimothy Joy (an incredible artist on Instagram: @kimothy.joy) illustrated the poem’s lines:

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Park Street would also like to extend an invite for you and your child to join a complimentary live-virtual lesson on this poem. Please contact Giuliana at info@parkstreetedu.com to reserve your spot.

The post A Mindful Poem Activity: ‘The Hill We Climb’ By Amanda Gorman appeared first on TWINS Magazine.

It’s all about imaginative play; some call it open-end play. Sounds too simple to be true? Here are steps to increase imaginative play so you reap the benefits.

Why imaginative play is so important?

Imaginative or open-ended play builds social, emotional, and cognitive skills in kids. Playing in pretend worlds allow kids to explore situations and emotions that may be stressful in real life. Yet in a pretend world, these stresses and emotions are easier to deal with. My daughter and niece regularly played a game where they encountered catastrophic natural disasters (Hint: they always survived). It was their way of dealing with fears and conquering them. Imaginative play allows kids to work through problems and find solutions on their terms.

Another major benefit of imaginative play is the development of language and social skills. Working out how to play with other kids or siblings is all part of social and emotional development. Fighting off villains in a castle or planning a trip to Mars requires communicating and negotiating social roles; these are core areas of child development.

What is imaginative play exactly?

Imaginative play is when children create a world or a situation out of their own volition. It could be camping in the wild, driving a race car, sailing on a pirate ship, or storming a castle. Kids don’t need much to create their imaginative worlds but sometimes they need to be shown the way.

A child’s imagination is like a muscle and if it isn’t used regularly, it needs to be put back into shape

How to introduce an imaginative game?‍

The most important thing is to provide an environment that fosters imagination. Put away electronics and set the scene. This could mean building a fort with couch cushions, or a play couch, then bringing out costumes to dress up in. Perhaps play some music but don’t introduce screens (iPads, etc.) into the game. ‍‍‍

How to begin using the imaginative muscle:

1. Introduce an imaginative game by encouraging your child to dress up like a character. It may just mean a hat or a cape – something simple.
2. Ask your child what adventure you are on: Are you searching for a lost treasure? Is there a storm approaching? What challenge is ahead?
3. Ask your child open-ended questions about the environment that they’re in. Who’s with them? What’s the weather like? What country are they in?
4. Begin to play! Act out the scene and interact with your child. You’ll be surprised how creative they are and how much fun they’re having.

At first, you may have to play with your child and guide them, but as time goes on children will become more independent.

If a child isn’t used to stretching their imagination, it may take time for their creativity to shine. Make sure to bring your patience and a fun attitude; it’ll be worth it in the end and the benefits are so important for your child’s development.

Let me know how you progress with imaginative play. You can tag us @mypuffinco or visit our site at www.mypuffin.ca.

The post The Lost Art of Imaginative Play: Why It’s Important appeared first on TWINS Magazine.

The holidays will be different this year. We can’t travel or gather with loved ones, and there are few things to do in the community, thanks to closures. This, combined with the lack of routine that comes with school holidays, will make this break harder than ever for parents.

Despite this, you can still prepare for a holiday that’s relaxing and fun — one that has a comfortable balance of family time, independent activities, and rest. You can create new memories while also staying sane and healthy (mentally and physically!). Consider some of these suggestions:

1) Brainstorm with your family.

Ask your kids what they want to do over the break, and make a list. Include activities indoors and out, on screens (think movie nights and family Zoom parties) and off (board games, crafts, and baking), solo, and social. Try to come up with things you’ve never done before. Everyone in the family gets a voice here!

2) Mimic the school day — with flexibility!

Think about how your child’s teacher schedules the school day to make things work: there’s a balanced variety of activities to keep kids interested, motivated, and burn some of that limitless energy. There are also passive activities, when kids aren’t “on” but still learning something. Use the school day as a guide to set up your day, and plan the day’s events together with the kids! Better, do this the night before at bedtime!

Include fun activities that involve creativity and focus, outdoor play, physical activity, social connection, and something passive. Keep an eye on the time, but let the schedule/plan go if the kids get into “flow” in an activity.

3) Let go of your screen time boundaries — for now.

We know the drawbacks of too much screen time but the reality is, screens help us stay sane during long stretches of time with the kids. Under these “indoor” (winter) circumstances, use screens as needed. Remember: screen activities in which learning and creating occur are beneficial, and, social and more passive activities such as YouTube viewing are fine in moderation. Even video games have benefits (can improve higher-level thinking, social and communication skills to name a couple).

4) Encourage independent play (or “quiet time” for the older kids.)

Everyone needs some daily “down-time,” so set up a routine for it. Pick at time of day (mid-afternoon would be divine!) and model this activity consistently. Mom and dad can take a nap or read a book, and that’s the signal to the kids that it’s time to find something to do without you. They can learn to get comfortable in their own skin.

If you haven’t already done it, set up a personal workspace with your child, for your child. Find a place with few distractions — their bedroom is perfect! Provide things to encourage creativity, focus, and imagination. Include books and school supplies, puzzles, toys, instruments, and craft materials. Set up a formal desk with a task light for concentration and homework, and provide a cozy spot to curl up with a book or screen.

Establishing this routine takes work and patience — and probably a ton of reminders. Set expectations in advance, use a timer if you need to, and be consistent with follow-through. It’s tough to set up this routine, but worth it in the end. You can do it!

5) Let your kids figure it out.

Don’t worry if you don’t have every minute planned or if your plan goes off track. Boredom is good for kids! It’s a place for creativity and problem-solving skills to grow. You don’t need to have a jam-packed schedule of exciting things to do, with kids behaving perfectly all day long.

While this holiday season will be different — stranger — than any other, this break may be the most memorable one, ever! There are always silver linings. We’ll have to think outside the box to enjoy this school vacation, but I’m guessing families will bond more than ever in spite of the challenges and sacrifices.

Happy holidays and stay well!

More about Jane Kristoffy

‍A teacher and guidance counsellor for over 25 years, Jane founded Right Track Educational Services in 2012. She’s a popular speaker on a variety of education and parenting topics, and a regular expert on national television news programs. In 2021, Jane will release her first book, Launch Your Kid: How to Promote Your Child’s Academic and Personal Success (without being a helicopter parent), which is jam-packed with no-nonsense tips for parents about how to get their kids through school and ready for the real world!

The post 5 Coping Strategies For Parents Over The School Break appeared first on TWINS Magazine.