But today, as a parent, I turn my attention towards my children and find great joy in watching them revel in anticipation of Santa and the presents under the tree. 

As a psychologist, one of my goals is to help clients bring their life back into balance.

However, this Christmas, my children are reminding me of a strategy that not only allows people to feel more balanced but helps them to get in touch with their true, authentic selves.  

The strategy that my fantastic five-year-old twins are reminding me of is the value of play, and the role that fun has in reducing stress and bringing me back to my true self. 

Winnicott and the Power of Play

Donald Winnicott (1896-1971) was a child psychiatrist who talked about the concept of True self versus False self. He says that everybody is born with a True Self – the happy, innocent, problem-free, creative, curious, and playful human qualities that are most evident in childhood. 

Over time, though, as the child gets older and becomes an adult, the child loses connection with their True Self. What then emerges is a False Self. The False Self is the part that’s often associated with being orderly, mannerly, proper, and behaving in ways that will help the person fit into society. 

What’s important to remember is that the role of the False Self is to protect the True Self. The False Self emerges to help the child (or adult) cope with their environment. 

A person’s True Self never goes away. It only remains hidden and covered up by the False Self. 

Play Exposes the True Self   

Winnicott strongly believed that when an adult engages in any activity that resembles play, it helps the adult reconnect with their true, authentic self. In other words, the True Self emerges when we find activities that allow us to have fun.

Whether it’s engaging in physical activity (such as playing a sport, participating in fitness classes), being creative (painting, drawing, writing, listening to music, singing backup vocals to your favourite tune), hanging out with friends, or playing board games. Any different activities that remove you from your day-to-day world can help you to connect with your authentic self. 

When you spend time connecting and having fun with your children (whether they are two years old or 30-years old), you bring yourself back down to a younger level, which helps you reconnect with your True Self.

And when you spend time playing and doing activities that bring a sense of enjoyment and pleasure to your life, you are reducing stress and bringing yourself back into a more balanced state. 

I hope your Christmas and the holiday season allow you to laugh and play and provide you with an opportunity to reconnect with your True Self. 

The post De-stress through the power of play appeared first on TWINS Magazine.

The holidays will be different this year. We can’t travel or gather with loved ones, and there are few things to do in the community, thanks to closures. This, combined with the lack of routine that comes with school holidays, will make this break harder than ever for parents.

Despite this, you can still prepare for a holiday that’s relaxing and fun — one that has a comfortable balance of family time, independent activities, and rest. You can create new memories while also staying sane and healthy (mentally and physically!). Consider some of these suggestions:

1) Brainstorm with your family.

Ask your kids what they want to do over the break, and make a list. Include activities indoors and out, on screens (think movie nights and family Zoom parties) and off (board games, crafts, and baking), solo, and social. Try to come up with things you’ve never done before. Everyone in the family gets a voice here!

2) Mimic the school day — with flexibility!

Think about how your child’s teacher schedules the school day to make things work: there’s a balanced variety of activities to keep kids interested, motivated, and burn some of that limitless energy. There are also passive activities, when kids aren’t “on” but still learning something. Use the school day as a guide to set up your day, and plan the day’s events together with the kids! Better, do this the night before at bedtime!

Include fun activities that involve creativity and focus, outdoor play, physical activity, social connection, and something passive. Keep an eye on the time, but let the schedule/plan go if the kids get into “flow” in an activity.

3) Let go of your screen time boundaries — for now.

We know the drawbacks of too much screen time but the reality is, screens help us stay sane during long stretches of time with the kids. Under these “indoor” (winter) circumstances, use screens as needed. Remember: screen activities in which learning and creating occur are beneficial, and, social and more passive activities such as YouTube viewing are fine in moderation. Even video games have benefits (can improve higher-level thinking, social and communication skills to name a couple).

4) Encourage independent play (or “quiet time” for the older kids.)

Everyone needs some daily “down-time,” so set up a routine for it. Pick at time of day (mid-afternoon would be divine!) and model this activity consistently. Mom and dad can take a nap or read a book, and that’s the signal to the kids that it’s time to find something to do without you. They can learn to get comfortable in their own skin.

If you haven’t already done it, set up a personal workspace with your child, for your child. Find a place with few distractions — their bedroom is perfect! Provide things to encourage creativity, focus, and imagination. Include books and school supplies, puzzles, toys, instruments, and craft materials. Set up a formal desk with a task light for concentration and homework, and provide a cozy spot to curl up with a book or screen.

Establishing this routine takes work and patience — and probably a ton of reminders. Set expectations in advance, use a timer if you need to, and be consistent with follow-through. It’s tough to set up this routine, but worth it in the end. You can do it!

5) Let your kids figure it out.

Don’t worry if you don’t have every minute planned or if your plan goes off track. Boredom is good for kids! It’s a place for creativity and problem-solving skills to grow. You don’t need to have a jam-packed schedule of exciting things to do, with kids behaving perfectly all day long.

While this holiday season will be different — stranger — than any other, this break may be the most memorable one, ever! There are always silver linings. We’ll have to think outside the box to enjoy this school vacation, but I’m guessing families will bond more than ever in spite of the challenges and sacrifices.

Happy holidays and stay well!

More about Jane Kristoffy

‍A teacher and guidance counsellor for over 25 years, Jane founded Right Track Educational Services in 2012. She’s a popular speaker on a variety of education and parenting topics, and a regular expert on national television news programs. In 2021, Jane will release her first book, Launch Your Kid: How to Promote Your Child’s Academic and Personal Success (without being a helicopter parent), which is jam-packed with no-nonsense tips for parents about how to get their kids through school and ready for the real world!

The post 5 Coping Strategies For Parents Over The School Break appeared first on TWINS Magazine.

As the holiday’s fast approach, it can become a stressful couple of months for parents. Especially parents of multiples. What better way to approach the holiday hustle than with a sense of humor.

You better watch out. You better not cry. You better not pout; get your feet in the pie. This familiar verse—modified to the realities of the McGee household—has become my mantra as I approach another round of holidays with my wife Lisa and our 3 ½-year-old twins daughters, Katie and Sara. Fortunately, as each year goes by, there’s less crying and pouting; but enough about Lisa and me. Like most families, we’ve had our share of warm and wonderful holiday moments. However, I seem to best remember the ones that would never make a Currier and Ives print.

Halloween Havoc

For instance, we were proud parents the Halloween when our 1-year-olds were finally able to walk on their tiny toddler legs up to neighbors’ doors to trick-or-treat. However, Sara overdid the personal mobility concept. For as soon as a neighbor opened the door, Sara barged right in and made herself at home—in the kitchen, dining room, or wherever looked most inviting. It was then my mission to extricate her wriggling body from the family’s dog or homemade caramel corn and explain. “Yes, honey, I know we just got here, but now we have to go.”

Katie made her Halloween reputation as a home-front hostess. When costumed kiddies held out their sacks at our door, 2 ½-year-old Katie took it as an invitation to plunder, reaching in to relieve them of their best treats. It was a toss-up who threw the bigger tantrum—the kids whose candy was swiped or Kate when she had to give it back. Lisa and I were no better. Last year when we all got back from trick–or–treating, we searched through the girls’ treat bags and began recycling the least attractive items back to the doorbell ringers. Naively, we thought our twins eating dinner in the kitchen would be oblivious to the chicanery in the dining room. Suddenly there came an independent howl from Sara, “HEEEY, Mom’s giving away our candy,” Nothing like being caught red-licorice-handed.

Sick of the holidays? Not us!

At Thanksgiving, McGee family tradition usually involved one of us being in the emergency room or otherwise disabled. Lisa was on pregnancy bed rest Thanksgiving before the twins were born, which, we like to feel, gave the kids a leg up on this quaint family custom. Last year, Lisa’s family joined us for Thanksgiving. Aunt Robbin contracted a killer flu bug as she was getting on the plane in Texas and was totally laid low by the time she arrived in Denver. Poor Robbin spent the entire five days down in our unfinished basement “guest room” and the twins only saw her from a safe distance at the top of the stairs. Weeks after everyone went home; Katie and Sara would ask if their Aunt Robbin was still down in the basement. Expecting tales of tempting turkey dinners or Indian/Pilgrim vignettes, we asked the kids what they liked best about Thanksgiving. Kate said she liked it when dad dropped the jar of honey, and Sara picked it when the garbage disposal blew up.

Obviously, our daughters think it is a fine Thanksgiving custom to confine guests in accommodations we usually reserve for our cat, to dodge food particles spewing out of the sink, and to reverently gather around the mess of glass embedded in honey on the kitchen floor.

Out of the mouths of babes

Christmas, of course, is also special. Amidst the snowflakes and silver bells, Lisa and I always look forward to the “Annual Christmas Tree Fight.” Besides the timing of putting up the tree, we wrangle over which way it should face, how it should be anchored, what the trimming should be, and where and when it will fall over.

While my wife and I were arguing last Christmas, Sara said, “You guys stop fighting.”

“We’re not fighting, I protested, “We’re discussing.”

“Well, you shouldn’t be disgusting at Christmas,” Sara replied. Can’t argue with that. Last year, we put up a novelty Santa, who boomed “Ho, ho, ho—Merry Christmas” every time the door was opened; besides fielding the toddler question, “Dad, who’s Mary Christmas?” seemingly hundreds of times, I began to find Santa’s unceasing jolliness just a bit tiresome.

By the third day, Santa had mysteriously disappeared. My guess is that he was bound and gagged by some cheerless Grinch and hidden in an upstairs closet.

But, at least we had the spiritual consolation of Christmas Eve services in our church. We thought the kids were old enough to sit in the sanctuary with us, until, at one of the most solemn, silent moments, Katie sang out loud and clear, “Mom, I’ve got to go potty!” 

Granted, it wasn’t “God bless us, everyone,” but just about what we’ve come to expect from our little dickens.

The post Approaching the Holidays with Humor appeared first on TWINS Magazine.

The problem is, most new parents have no clue what items are necessities. The minute they set foot into a baby store, they get overwhelmed and start to panic. Before you know it, they’ve scanned 10 pages (front and back) worth of baby items, most of which will never leave the box.

To make things easier on gift-givers and moms and dads alike, we’ve rounded up the best gifts for new parents they’ll actually use.

Convertible Car Seat

Out of all the baby gear new parents will need, a car seat ranks at the very top of the list. In fact, you’re not even allowed to leave the hospital without one. With the right car seat, parents can feel confident driving their bubs around town even above the typical 10 kph dad speed limit.

Our pick: Britax Marathon ClickTight

The Britax Marathon is one of the highest safety-rated car seats and features a unique ClickTight installation system that uses your car’s seat belt. God knows how much blood, sweat, and tears we’ve all shed struggling with the LATCH system on most car seats. Now safely securing your little ones in the car is as easy as buckling a seat belt whether in a front-facing or rear-facing position. The only thing missing from this car seat is a cup holder (sold separately). 

Crib

Some parents prefer to keep their baby in a bassinet or co-sleep for the first few months. But once the baby outgrows the cradle or when parents have had enough of the little blocker hijacking their sexy time, whichever comes first, a crib is a necessity.

Our pick: Babyletto Hudson 3-in-1 Convertible Crib 

This eco-friendly and non-toxic crib has a stylish and open contemporary look that is guaranteed to make a statement in any room. Choose from a variety of solid or two-tone colors and four adjustable mattress positions, perfect for vertically challenged moms. Once the baby can get out of the crib on his own, the Hudson easily converts into a toddler bed and a daybed for each stage of your child’s growth.

Crib Mattress

A top-quality mattress can help provide a safe, comfortable resting environment and help the baby sleep better and longer so you too can sleep like a baby; or better yet, like a dad who can sleep through a baby screaming in the middle of the night.

Our pick: Newton Crib & Toddler Mattress

The Newton Crib & Toddler Mattress has one of the highest safety ratings. It’s 100% organic, hypoallergenic, and chemical-free. This two-stage mattress is firm enough for an infant yet cushy enough for a growing toddler. The patented Wovenaire® core is zipped into a breathe-thru (machine washable) cover, which provides maximum airflow, reducing the risk of SIDS. However, complete peace of mind comes with a hefty price tag, but totally worth it in our opinion.

Muslin Swaddling Blankets

Muslin is a magical multi-use material no parent should be without. This soft, stretchy, warm, and breathable fabric can be used as a blanket, burp cloth, sunshade, nursing cover, change pad, even a towel.

Our pick: Aden by Aden + Anais Swaddle Plus, 4-pack 

This Aden + Anais adorable 4-pack ensures you always have a security blanket for every situation. Whether you use it to swaddle baby to sleep or wear it like a supermom puke cape, the multifunction muslin is one blanket to rule them all!

A Compact Stroller

After the first few months of living in the mombie apocalypse battling a hungry, stinky, ankle-biter, most moms come out the other side victorious, ready to finally take a shower and face the new world. A compact stroller is the perfect set of wheels to travel with a baby around town or on a plane.

Our pick: Gb Pockit Stroller

The Gb Pockit is the world’s smallest folding stroller. It’s sufficiently compact to fit into a plane’s overhead compartment and folds and opens easily with a push of a button. The stroller comes newborn-ready and can accommodate children up to 55 lbs! Other great features include a comfortable reclining seat, a large sunshade, and a storage basket. 

An Ergonomic Baby Carrier

A baby carrier is another convenient way to get around when you can’t put your newborn down. Not only that, but having baby snuggled up next to you can help relieve colic, increase bonding, and lull baby to sleep. 

Our pick: ERGObaby 360 Baby Carrier

This ergonomic carrier keeps the baby seated in a comfortable frog-legged position, which promotes healthy hip and spine development. It also provides maximum comfort for parents, whether they wear baby front-inward, front-outward, on the hip, or on the back. The adjustable, velcro waistband offers extra support and the built-in hood protects the baby from the elements and provides privacy when nursing in public. 

Portable Change Pad

Parents change an average of 2200 diapers a year! That’s a lot of poop explosions and golden showers to contend with. A reliable, portable change pad can help make clean-ups quick and effortless while providing a soft surface for the baby.

Our pick: Keekaroo Peanut Diaper Changer

The Keekaroo is a soft changing pad made with a durable outer shell that is water-resistant, slip-resistant, and non-toxic. The diaper changer can securely rest on top of a dresser or table and doesn’t require any covers or additional pads. Just wipe it down after a diaper change, and you’re done. It also has raised edges to prevent babies from rolling off as well as a safety strap and comes in many fun colors. 

Baby Bottle (that closely resembles breastfeeding)

A breastfeeding mother may want to give her baby a bottle from time to time to share some feedings with dad or to escape for a few hours to sniff candles at Bath and Body Works. Whatever the reason, a bottle that closely mimics the breast can help with the transition.

Our pick: Comotomo Natural Feel Baby Bottle 

Mama didn’t raise no fool! Babies can easily tell the difference between a mom’s nipples and bottle nipples. With the Comotomo bottle, babies get a feeding experience that closely resembles breastfeeding, with a soft, squeezable bottle and naturally shaped, slow-flow, silicone nipples. The wide nipple base helps babies form a tight, vacuum seal similar to breastfeeding, and the dual air vents prevent colic. Plus Comotomo is BPA, PVC, and phthalate-free, and super easy to clean.

Double Electric Breast Pump

For moms who plan on transitioning baby to the bottle because they’re returning to work or need the occasional “me time,” a breast pump is essential. Trust us, there is nothing worse than having to ask your husband to milk you; kind of a MOOOd killer.

Our pick: Medela Sonata Smart Double Electric Breast Pump 

This new breast pump from Medela is an ultra-quiet, innovative double electric smart pump that automatically adjusts suction to ensure you’re pumping consistently and efficiently. Moms can also easily track feedings by connecting to the MyMedela app on their smartphone and get access to helpful lactation information and other valuable content to help moms achieve breastfeeding success.

The Best Car Seats for Twins

A Multifunctional High Chair

Unless mom and dad want to spend the first few years of parenthood battling each other for the title of who wore the baby food best, a high chair is a no-brainer. Although babies won’t be eating solids for the first 5 months or so, some high chairs can double as infant seats.

Our pick: Peg Perego Siesta High Chair

The Peg Perego is a multi-function high chair that grows with the baby from infancy to toddlerhood. The soft padding and five reclining positions. It keeps babies happy and comfy through playtime, cat naps, and meals. And the chair has nine height positions allowing the baby to eat at the table with the rest of the family, with wheels that automatically lock for safety. There is also plenty of room to store extra bibs, burp cloths, and clean clothes in the storage net.

Digital Thermometer

Fevers are a common occurrence with babies and young children and can sometimes require medical attention. Having an accurate thermometer that you don’t have to stick in your baby’s butt isn’t just a nice-to-have but can also be a lifesaver.

Our pick: Kinsa Digital Smart Thermometer

The Kinsa Digital Smart Thermometer takes accurate readings in seconds and can sync with your smartphone, so you can conveniently keep your family’s health information on hand for doctor’s appointments or emergency hospital visits. Even more, the thermometer includes a fun bubble-popping game to distract older kids and put them at ease.

A Nasal Aspirator

When a baby is stuffed-up, it’s hard on both the child and the parents. They’re irritable, cry a lot, and have trouble sleeping. And that’s just the mom and dad. Unfortunately, a box of tissues won’t fix the problem. Until a child learns to blow his or her nose, they’ll need assistance in blasting those pesky boogers away. In comes the nasal aspirator. 

Our pick: NoseFrida “The Snotsucker”

Before nasal aspirators, parents had to suck the snot out of their babies’ noses with their mouths! NoseFrida, aka the Snotsucker, was created by a doctor who was probably sick and tired of doing snot shots. So out of necessity, he came up with this simple but highly effective long blue plastic tube that you place the tip inside your baby’s nose, while you suck the boogers from the other end. Don’t worry, the disposable filters prevent any rogue snot rockets from blasting down your throat. Yeah, parenting (wait for it) sucks sometimes.

Are there any other products you think parents shouldn’t live without? Let us know in the comments.

The post Best Gifts for New Parents They’ll Actually Use appeared first on TWINS Magazine.