Why These are the Best Car Seats for Twins

Buying safe, durable, and easy to install car seats are every parents desire, but the research process can be very overwhelming.

As parents of twins, we know first-hand how challenging it all can be. Therefore, we have done all the research for you!

We’ve narrowed it down to the very best, while providing you with a few competitive choices.

All of our recommendations for the best car sets for twins met our stringent standards:

• Have Excellent Safety Ratings
• Received Excellent Ratings and Recommendations from Actual Consumers
• Are Affordable
• Can Be Quickly Purchased Online from Our Site

The Best Newborn Infant Car Seats for Twins

We recommend you purchase a car seat that can be separated from its base, while keeping you newborn nestled in the car seat. When infants are extremely young, they spend most of their time sleeping. These car seats will allow you to easily transport you sleeping twins.

We also recommend you buy a Baby Trend Universal Double Snap-N-Go Stroller Frame. This will be the first stroller you use. It is lightweight and compatible with the infant car seats.

Here’s a comparison of the different Graco SnugRide Infant Car Seats:

All use the InRight latch system. It is a game changer!

They have made a one-second connection with the base with its 4-position recline and an easy-to-read level indicator bubble that helps eliminate installation guesswork.

While both of our recommendations are about 2lbs heavier than the other SnugRides, they are the best infant car seats Graco has yet to design.

1. Graco SnugRide SnugLock 35 LX Featuring TrueShield Technology

Not Pictured in Above Table

Weight Recommendation: 4lbs to 35lbs

Colors: 1 Color Available

Lowest Price: Amazon.com

Price: $126.97

Amazon Rating:

Below, we have outlined the pros and cons of this product:

Pros:

★ Advantage over Other Convertible Car Seats in Above Table– TrueShield Technology helps keep you infant safe by providing advanced protection from head to hips in the event of a side impact.

★ Adjust handle with one hand, leaving your other hand free– With twins, this is an even more helpful feature.

★ Silent Shade canopy easily and quietly adjusts without disturbing baby– Never wake a sleeping baby.

★ InRight LATCH system for a one-second LATCH attachment– Both of our recommendations have this feature. It is a big upgrade from their previous hook system.

★ 4-position adjustable base lets you customize fit to you vehicle– This ensures that the baby will be in the safest position for breathing, no matter the depths of you seats.

★ Easy-to-read level indicator helps eliminate installation guesswork– You will know for certain that the car seat is level, without having to simply guess.

★ Fits into Our Recommended Baby Trend Snap-n-Go Stroller– We recommend every new parent of twins use a Baby Trend Universal Double Snap-N-Go Stroller Frame for you first stroller. These car sets fit perfectly into the frame.

Cons:

• Disadvantage over Other Convertible Car Seats in Above Table– A bit heavier than the others.

• Requires a bit of Force to Secure into Base– The car seat securely snaps into the base, but it does require a small bit of doing to snap it in.

2. Graco SnugRide SnugLock 35 Elite Infant Car Seat

* Pictured Second From Left in Above Table*

Weight Recommendation: 4lbs to 35lbs

Colors: 3 Colors Available

Lowest Price: Amazon.com

Price: $149.98- $188.99

Amazon Rating:

Below, we have outlined the pros and cons of this product:

Pros:

★ Advantage over Other Convertible Car Seats in Above Table– The InRight Latch System! Install is super simple.

★ Quick and Easy to Install– SnugLock Technology features a hassle-free 3-step installation rear-facing car seat helps protect infants from 4 to 35 lb and up to 32″ quick and easy clean up with the Rapid Remove cover.

★ Safest Infant Car Seat– Simply Safe Adjust Harness System adjusts headrest and harness together to prevent rethreading Safety Core absorbs frontal crash forces:

• Side Impact Tested*
• New Car Assessment Program (NCAP) – peak crash force approximately 2X Car Seat Standard.
• Extreme Car Interior Temperatures.

*In addition to meeting or exceeding all applicable US safety standards, the Graco SnugRide SnugLock 35 Elite Infant Car Seat has been side impact tested for occupant retention by the harness system.

★ Reclining Base Allows for Great Rest– Adjustable base with 4 recline positions and easy-to-read bubble level indicator InRight LATCH system for a one-second LATCH attachment.

★ Rotating Canopy– Window and visor provides shade and sun protection for baby removable newborn head and body support cushions baby.

★ Fits into Our Recommended Baby Trend Snap-n-Go Stroller– We recommend every new parent of twins use a Baby Trend Universal Double Snap-N-Go Stroller Frame for you first stroller. These car sets fit perfectly into the frame.

Cons:

• Disadvantage over Other Convertible Car Seats in Above Table– Can only be used up to 65lbs.

• Requires Force to Secure into Base– The car seat securely snaps into the base, but it does require a bit of strength to snap it in.

The Complete 4 Car Seats in 1 for Twins

If you are looking for ONE car seat that you can use from birth until you twins no longer require a booster seat, this is the best option:

3. Graco 4Ever 4-in-1 Convertible Car Seat

Recommended Weight: 4lbs to 120lbs

Colors: 11 Colors to Choose From

Lowest Price: Amazon.com

Price: $239.99- $339.99

Amazon Rating:

Below, we have outlined the pros and cons of this product:

Pros:

★ The Only Car Seat You Will Ever Need– This 4-in-1 Convertible Car Seat gives you 10 years of use from 4lbs to 120 pounds. It can be used as a rear-facing baby car seat from 4lbs to 40 lbs. It can then be used forward-facing for your toddlers car seat from 20 to 65 lbs.

★ The Safest Available– Graco has been a trusted brand for over 100 years. Of all of Graco’s car seats, this is among the very safest. The patented Simply Safe Adjust Harness System is safe and simple to use.

★ Becomes a Booster Seat– High back belt-positioning mode from 30lbs to 100 lbs and backless belt-positioning mode from 40lbs to 120 lbs.

★ Quick and Easy to Secure in Your Vehicle– InRight LATCH system for an easy, 1-second LATCH attachment

★ Machine-washable Seat Cushions–The metal and plastic parts may be cleaned with mild soap and cool water and the buckle may be cleaned with a damp cloth and the harness straps may be spot cleaned.

Cons:

• Headrest Rattles– Some complain the headrest rattles and must be tightened.

The Best Convertible Car Seats for Twins

We believe these are the safest, most durable and most versatile car seats. Each of these has advantages over others. We will help you determine which of these is best for you twins.

Once you twins outgrow their infant car seats, these car seats will change to adjust to the needs of you growing kids.

4. Graco Extend2Fit Convertible Car Seat

Recommended Weight: 5lbs to 65lbs

Colors: 8 Options

Lowest Price: Amazon.com

Price: $134.28- $225.61

Amazon Rating:

Below, we have outlined the pros and cons of this product:

Pros:

★ Advantage over Other Convertible Car Seats in Above Table– A bit less expensive than others

★ Helps protect rear-facing infants from 4-50 lbs and forward-facing toddlers from 22-65 lbs.

★ 4-position extension panel adjusts to provide 5″ additional leg room allowing you child to ride safely rear-facing longer; Up to 50 pounds rear-facing allowing you child to ride safely rear-facing for longer.

★ 6-position recline helps keep you child comfy.

★ 10-position headrest adjusts easily for you growing child.

★ Simply Safe Adjust Harness System adjusts the height of the harness and headrest in one motion.

★ InRight LATCH system for an easy, one-second LATCH attachment; easy-to-read level indicator for hassle-free installation.

★ Engineered & rigorously crash tested to meet or exceed US Standard FMVSS 213; Extend2Fit convertible car seat has been side-impact tested for occupant retention solely with the built-in 5-point harness system.

Cons:

• Disadvantage over Other Convertible Car Seats in Above Table– Can only be used up to 65lbs.

5. Graco SlimFit All-in-One Convertible Car Seat 

Recommended Weight: 5lbs to 100lbs

Colors: 2 Options

Lowest Price: Amazon.com

Price: $181.83- $195.49

Amazon Rating:

Below, we have outlined the pros and cons of this product:

Pros:

★ Advantage over Other Convertible Car Seats in Above Table– The best choice for smaller cars. This car seat is narrower than the others and is perfect for small backseats.

★ All-in-One seat grows with you child from 5-100 lb, rear- to forward-facing and becomes a belt-positioning booster; save space in your back seat with unique rotating cup holders

★ Simply Safe Adjust Harness System adjusts the height of the harness and headrest; integrated harness storage compartment holds unused harness straps while the seat is a belt positioning booster

★ Engineered & crash tested to meet or exceed US standard FMVSS 213; the SlimFit car seat has been side impact tested for occupant retention solely with the built-in 5-point harness system; features EPS foam

★ InRight LATCH system for an easy, one-second LATCH attachment; 4-position recline helps keep you growing child comfy, in rear and forward-facing modes

★ Plush supports keep you child comfortable and are removable; washable seat cover is easy to access without removing the harness

★ Steel-reinforced frame provides strength and durability

Cons:

• Disadvantage over Other Convertible Car Seats in Above Table– A bit less cushion compared to the other ones.

6. Graco Size4Me 65 Convertible Car Seat Featuring RapidRemove

Recommended Weight: 4lbs to 65lbs

Colors: 4 Options

Lowest Price: Amazon.com

Price: $154.99- $179.99

Amazon Rating:

Below, we have outlined the pros and cons of this product:

Pros:

★ Advantage over Other Convertible Car Seats in Above Table– The RapidRemove cover is awesome! While with other car seats, you have to physically take it apart to remove the cover from it, the RapidRemove cover comes off in less than a minute! No need to uninstall it.

★ Designed to help protect you rear-facing infant from 4-40 lbs. and you forward-facing toddler from 22-65 lbs.

★ Simply Safe Adjust Harness System adjusts the height of you harness and headrest to 8 positions, in one motion, to ensure that you child is always properly secured

★ Side-impact tested-in addition to meeting or exceeding all applicable U.S. safety standards, the Size4Me car seat has been side-impact tested for occupant retention solely with the built-in 5 point harness system Machine-washable

★ In Right LATCH system for an easy, one-second LATCH attachment.

Cons:

• Disadvantage over Other Convertible Car Seats in Above Table– Only goes up to 65lbs.

The Best Car Seat for Special Needs Twins

7. Graco 4Ever Extend2Fit All in One Convertible Car Seat

Recommended Weight: 4lbs to 120lbs

Colors: 5 Options

Lowest Price: Amazon.com

Price: $209.99- $349.99

Amazon Rating:

Below, we have outlined the pros and cons of this product:

Pros:

★ Advantage over Other Convertible Car Seats in Above Table– Can use for up to 120lbs. It is the Ideal car seat for special needs kids who may need to remain in a car seat longer.

★ 4-in-1 seat grows with you child, so you can enjoy 10 years of use, from 4 to 120 lb

★ Extend2Fit 4-position extension panel provides 5″ additional leg room

★ Up to 50 lb rear-facing allowing you child to safely ride rear-facing longer plush inserts keep you child comfortable washable seat cover is easy to remove without removing the harness

★ Simply Safe Adjust Harness System headrest and Harness adjust together one-hand, 10-position adjustable headrest easily adapts for you growing child

★ In Right LATCH system for an easy, one-second LATCH attachment integrated belt lock-off for easy vehicle seat belt installation easy-to-read level indicator helps eliminate rear-facing installation guesswork

★ 2 integrated cup holders keeps you child’s drinks or snacks close at hand integrated harness storage compartment holds unused harness straps while in the belt positioning booster mode

★ Steel-reinforced frame provides strength and durability. Integrated harness storage compartment holds unused harness straps while in the belt positioning booster mode

Cons:

• Disadvantage over Other Convertible Car Seats in Above Table– This car seat is a bit more expensive than our other recommendations

In summary, there are two types of car seats you will need for your twins. The first car seat will be used for your newborn twins. It will include a base that remains in your car and a removable carrier. The removable carrier will allow you to transport your twins without waking them up.

The second type of car seat will be a convertible car seat. Some of the recommendations above will convert into a booster seat when your children no longer need the restraint portion.

One of the recommendations we have included will even allow you to use the car seat with a child up to 120 pounds. This would be our suggestion for children with special needs who will need to remain in a car seat longer.

The post The Best Car Seats for Twins appeared first on TWINS Magazine.

As a friend or family member, you can greatly help parents of twins by purchasing these much-needed items.

Instead of buying them adorable outfits or the latest and greatest new pacifier, what they really need are these essential items.

As parents of twins ourselves, we have created this list of gifts for twins that will help you stand out from their other friends.

1. A Lightweight Double Stroller Frame

The most useful gift for twin babies anyone can buy is a Lightweight Double Frame Stroller!

A double frame stroller is designed to allow you to snap your twins’ car seats directly into a lightweight stroller frame. This is important because your twins will spend much of their first six months sleeping and growing.

The Baby Trend Snap N Go is by far our favorite. It works with all the major car seat brands without any additional attachments.

Product details:

Recommended weight: 5lbs to 40lbs

Lowest price: Amazon.com

Price: $75.34

By simply unsnapping your car seats from their bases in your car and snapping them into the stroller frame, you will be able to take your twins on outings without having to wake them up.

2. Two Infant Car Seats

The first type of car seat you can buy as gifts for twin babies is designed specifically for infants.

The carrier portion of the car seat can be removed from the base, which will remain in your car. By removing the car seat from the base, you will be able to let your twins continue to sleep and will not need to wake them up by removing them from the car seats.

All the car seats we recommend are compatible with the Baby Trend Snap N Go double stroller frame.

The Graco SnugRide SnugLock 35 LX Featuring TrueShield Technology is our number one recommendation for newborn infant car seats. It is Graco’s safest car seat yet. It has received 4.7 out of 5 stars from customers on Amazon.

3. A Bassinett Designed for Newborn Twins

Sometimes called a “portable Playard,” pack-n-play, or bassinet, a foldable crib will be an important staple of your new life as a parent of twins.

This Playard can be placed next to your bed during the early days when your twins are feeding frequently.

You can also bring it into the living room and use it during the day for naps and as a safe place to lay your twins down.

This will be the place you lay your twins down to nap throughout much of the day. During the day, many parents have this crib in the main sitting room. At night, many parents bring this crib into their bedroom.

In the early days, your twins will feed a lot. Most new babies feed every 1-2 hours for weeks. Having this crib right next to the bed makes these frequent feedings much easier.

The Baby Trend Twin Nursery Center is more than just a portable crib. It comes with an organizational basket and removable bassinets.

When your twins are older, it is a great place for them to safely play and practice tummy time.

4. Two Bouncer Seats

One of the absolute must-have gifts for twin babies is a bouncer seat for each twin.

The Fisher-Price Infant-to-Toddler Rocker is our favorite choice for bouncer seats. These seats are comfortable, well-made, lightweight, and adorable.

Product details:

Colors: 8 colors and patterns to choose from

Price: $29.00-$69.99

Lowest price: Amazon

These seats can be used for many purposes. They are the perfect place to bottle-feed your twins. Simply sit your babies in the seats, strap them in, and feed.

Babies love to be held. Holding one baby for hours a day can be tough enough, but holding twins can often be impossible. We often placed our twins into these bouncers, strapped them in, and gently rocked them with our feet. Often the gently rocking put them right to sleep and allowed us to get a much-needed break.

These bouncers are also a great, safe place to put your twins if you need to go to the bathroom or get something to eat.

Unlike a large bassinet or portable Playard, these bouncers can easily be taken into the kitchen, bathroom, porch, yard, or anywhere else you want to go.

5. An Awesome Diaper Bag Created for Newborn Twins

Initially, parents of newborn twins will need a diaper bag that has a lot of smaller compartments to help them organize all of their twins’ items. It should also come with an insulated compartment for bottles, a changing pad, and a baby wipes container.

The Bag Nation Diaper Bag Backpack is an awesome backpack for parents of newborn twins.

It has tons of pockets designed to hold diapers, bottles, wipes, clothing, toys, and more. It comes with a large changing pad and can be worn as a backpack so you can get it completely out of the way.

Product details:

Price: $65.95

Lowest price: Amazon

6. A Comfortable, Versatile Baby Carrier

Many parents of newborn twins have so many items to buy for their twins, that they try to save money by buying a cheap baby carrier or not buying one at all.

Helping them buy these much-needed gifts for twin babies is a great way to show your support.

This is one of the nicest, most helpful gifts you can buy a parent of newborn twins.

There are some carriers made specifically for carrying twins, but we do not recommend them. They are hard to use and we did not find many times when carrying both twins at once was needed or practical.

When the twins are firstborn, parents of twins will want to use a baby wrap. Baby wraps allow the parent to attach the baby to them in a variety of ways. They keep the newborn’s neck protected and the baby close to their parent.

Our favorite wrap for carrying newborn babies is the Ergo Baby Wrap by CuddleBug. It allows you to essentially swaddle your baby against your body. It is versatile, comfortable, and effective.

Product details:

Size: For Newborns and babies from 2 to 35lbs

Colors: Comes in grey and pink

Price: $37.95

Lowest price: Amazon

The Ergobaby 360 All Carry Positions Award-Winning Ergonomic Baby Carrier is our favorite versatile baby carrier by far.

Product details:

Size: NOT for Newborns. Use this carrier with twins weighing 12-33lbs.

Colors: Comes in 16 colors and patterns

Price: $104.95- $160.00

Lowest price: Amazon

In summary, the best gifts for newborn twins are those the parent will need. Be the friend who buys them a great gift for their twins and helps ease the financial burden of preparing for twins.

Comment below and let us know if we left any cool gifts for newborn twins off our list.

The post The Best Gifts for Twin Babies appeared first on TWINS Magazine.

Being first-time parents raising twin babies can be daunting but Mom of twins, Anne Marshall shares some thoughts on making that important first year with your twins as enriching as possible.

For any Feeding Method You Use, Feed Them Together

I had been intending to breastfeed, but ultimately ended up bottle feeding.

When my partner first went back to work, I would feed them one at a time. One would be screaming while the other had their bottle.

It was stressful for all of us.

Then another twin mum told me how she propped hers up with cushions, so she could feed them at the same time. Perhaps if I hadn’t been so sleep deprived I could have thought of this myself? So, I put them in their car seats on the sofa and fed them together.

No waiting, no tears, genius! – the other mother, not me!

Routine, Routine, Routine

From a very early age, I decided to establish a routine for raising my twins.

They were fed at the same time, napped at the same time, played at the same time, we went for a walk after lunch at the same time which was also a nap time, and went to bed at the same time.

Funny enough, a mother of a singleton said to me that this must involve a lot of crying. Perhaps it sounded very regimented. I wasn’t a believer in crying it out, so this wasn’t the case, and if you get a feel for what your babies do naturally, getting them on a routine can happen quite cohesively and naturally.

The routine will change and adapt every couple of months as they change, but I found the structure helped me to organize myself, prevented me from getting overwhelmed in chaos, and allowed the babies to feel secure.

Don’t Worry About Quality Time When They are Infants

Obviously, it’s nice, when there are two adults around and they can have extra cuddles, or you can go a bit further afield more easily, but don’t worry that you aren’t doing swimming classes or any other class.

Of course, there are ways around these hurdles, but don’t put yourself under unnecessary pressure.

Your twins are happy just to hang out with you, walk through the park, have a dance party at home, go for coffee. They have you, and they have each other.

They don’t need to be adding to the special skills section of their C.V at 5 months old.

If Your Twins are Born Prematurely, You Might Want to Read Up on That

Mine twins were born 5 weeks early and I really didn’t know anything about it.

My best baby- mama friend had a full-term singleton, who could put his pacifier in and out of his mouth all by himself, while we were at coffee, while mine were always fast asleep in the buggy (bonus, really).

Don’t compare what a full-term baby does to a premature baby. It usually all evens out quickly, or there may be things that show up in the future. For instance, my daughter is hyper-mobile which was picked up on by a physiotherapist when she was only 6 months.

This has affected some of her fine and gross motor skills. However, we can’t say for sure this was because she was born prematurely or not.

Every Stage Moves On

Sometimes when you’re in the thick of it, especially in a first year with twins, it can feel as if this stage is how your life will always be, and that can be overwhelming.

So, remember, if your twins don’t sleep through the night yet, or you’re alone a lot and your friends don’t understand what you’re going through, or whichever stage you’re at, ‘this too shall pass’.

These stages, especially in the first year of raising twins, move past so quickly as I mentioned before in the routines section. Just when you think you can’t go on anymore, they’ll start sleeping through the night, or you’ll meet a new friend etc., or they’ll start sitting up and playing differently, and life will change all over again.

Look After Yourself

People like to say, ‘if Mums not happy, the kids won’t be happy’.

That’s a little harsh if you are feeling unhappy, so don’t be hard on yourself. But, I do believe it’s O.K. to be selfish.

Take time for yourself. Take time out.

Keep something for yourself that makes you feel good, whether that’s yoga, a trip to the cinema, painting, work, or something where you can express yourself. It’s important to keep nourishing yourself because motherhood can be overwhelming, and you really can feel that you’ve lost your self. You’re still you. Don’t worry, you haven’t lost anything, only gained.

You don’t have to be the perfect Mum either, you’re just fine as you are, and you are perfect to your babies. The first year goes so fast, it really is only 12 months of little infants before you drift on to toddler-hood.

Good luck Mama, you can do it

Anne Marshall is a mother of 4 including twins and blogs on Huff Post, Parents U.K about twins, raising multiples and more, mothers, society etc. She currently resides in Cardiff, Wales.

The post 6 Useful Tips for Raising Twins in Their First Year appeared first on TWINS Magazine.

I sat in a filled auditorium waiting for a lecture on “The Link Between Thinking and Feeling.” The lecturer did not begin on time due to problems with the slide projector. The minutes crept by, and the audience grew restless.

Finally, the speaker walked to the lectern and commanded “Slides!” to his assistant.

The lights went out, but nothing happened. Tension grew. A light flashed on the screen and quickly flickered out… darkness again. Suddenly there was a loud crash as if 100 slides had spilled out onto the floor. The house lights went on, revealing a distressed assistant in the back of the room.

But our attention turned back to the front when the lecturer threw his notes down and stomped into the wings. The audience gasped and held its collective breath. Before we could let it out, the lecturer returned to the podium and asked, “Well, how are you feeling, and have you learned anything yet?”

I got the point immediately. The emotional overtones of the session had completely obliterated anything I might have gained from his lecture. He gave us a firsthand demonstration on how emotional climate affects the ability to take in and understand information.

Think of toddlers in the bathtub faced with a furious parent trying to teach a lesson about keeping the water inside the tub. What lesson do the children remember? It’s hard to tell. Think of toddlers who live in a household where angry feelings between parents are the rule. How does it affect them? Even a little lesson like staying off the coffee table changes when emotional overtones in the house are present.

Of course, all parents get upset about their children’s behavior and about each other’s behavior sometimes. However, it’s good to be aware that these feelings affect learning. If you’re furious about what your child did to her co-twin, for example, let her know that you won’t allow that behavior – but wait until you calm down to help her understand the situation. If you’re upset about rough treatment of the cat, stop it – but save the lesson on how to pet the cat for when the emotional climate is right.

It’s not easy for parents of toddlers to continually create an emotional climate that is conducive to learning. Toddlers can challenge their parents in ways that trigger emotional responses in even the most mild-mannered person.

A big shock for me as a parent came when I discovered how different toddlerhood is from fantasy. Those sweet, innocent babes that just lie there become walking balls of fire once they get up on their feet. And by 2 years of age, there’s no stopping them! Toddlers demand a different kind of parenting from what they needed as infants. They need parents who set limits and enforce them in a firm, but calm, way.

The Power of Firmness

Being firm is a real switch for many parents. Infants don’t call for firmness – but rather, responsiveness. Reading their signals and meeting their needs are the primary concerns. The question is, what are my babies trying to tell me, and how should I respond? Toddlers still have needs, of course, but those needs often lead them into behaviors their parents never even thought of! And besides having needs, they also make impossible demands. The best parental response in the face of a good deal of toddler behavior is firmness.

A firm but calm response is easier said than done. It’s very difficult to keep from losing one’s temper in the face of some 2-year-old behavior. How many parents are able to face toddler defiance and negativity calmly? It’s hard, but important, to create an emotional climate that is conducive to learning. If you understand that whatever you’re trying to teach the child is probably lost when you blow up, it may help keep you calmer. And worse – it isn’t just lost for the child who is the target of the anger, but probably for his co-twin as well.

I think of myself in the lecture hall. The speaker wasn’t furious with me, but with the assistant; however, the emotional climate between the two of them affected every single person in the auditorium in some way.

If you grew up in a family that saw fear or anger as a way to teach a lesson, remember that the emotional overlay of a situation is taken in along with the instruction.

For example, my first day as a community college teacher, I was quite nervous. I sat down to memorize my telephone extension and my office number. The numbers were similar; and in my confused and fearful state of mind, I never got them straight. After five years at that college, I was still looking up those numbers. When I tried to remember them, the feelings came back and got in the way.

So if you’re trying to get your toddlers to remember to hang-up their coats, don’t put an emotional overlay on the situation that brings fear or confusion. They may look at the hook, forget the coat, and recall only the feelings. At that moment, the lesson you intended to teach is lost!

Don’t Cry Over Spilled Milk

So what can you do to help keep the emotional climate at least neutral, if not positive? Here are four suggestions:

• Keep your perspective. It helps to remember that toddlerhood is a stage and it will pass. The negativity and defiance come because toddlers are working on issues of autonomy. They are trying out their power. Keep your perspective on the matter, and it may help you keep your temper.
• Save the lessons if you get too angry. Just get through the situation. Sit down afterwards with your child or children and reflect back on what happened. Talking about things when you have all calmed down helps.
• Keep out of power struggles. Sidestep a power struggle when you perceive that you’re headed into one. Don’t be as stubborn as your toddler; use your adult intelligence to figure out how to keep from bumping heads.
• Be aware of the possibility that your child (or children) may be seeking negative attention. Some children find that they can get parents to spend plenty of time and energy on them only if they misbehave. In a sense, they learn to misbehave. When that happens, parents must demonstrate that attention comes from positive behavior more readily than negative behavior.

Janet Gonzalez-Mena of Napa, California, has taught early childhood education at Napa Valley College. She is author of the book Dragon Mom, and the mother of five children.

The post How Do Emotions Affect Learning? appeared first on TWINS Magazine.

But continuing to live my life this way began to exact a toll on my physical and emotional health.  I got pneumonia when the boys were one year old, and I had a fever that continued for more than a year.  Then I began to awaken at three o’clock every morning, unable to get back to sleep.  When the alarm went off, I would lie in bed exhausted, feeling a sense of despair and dread, wondering how I could face another day.

That dark mood began to permeate every aspect of my life.  At one point, I remember crying almost daily during my long commute to pick the boys up from daycare.  I waited, hoping to “snap out of it.”  Yet the sadness continued.

Finally, I summoned the courage to ask my doctor for a referral to a therapist.  Asking for help and admitting that I suffered from depression represented a giant step for me.  With the help of a gifted therapist and a course of antidepressant medication, I began the process of emerging from my depression.  This involved making some logistical changes in our daily routine in order to reduce stress, as well as trying to understand and change the negative “self-talk” that fueled my depression.

Our boys are now almost 6 and life seems much easier than when they were babies.  In retrospect, I can see that there were several core “myths” that contributed to my depression and robbed me of my ability to enjoy those early years with our new family.  I share these core myths along with the realities, as I now see them, with the hope that other new mothers of multiples might read them and discover ways to be gentler on their own self.

MYTH #1

You should always feel lucky and blessed to be the mother of twins.  Our culture still romanticizes motherhood, perpetuating the myth that being home with infants or young children is always joyful and easier than being out in the “real” world.  Therefore, being home with two babies as once must be “twice the joy”.  How many times have strangers stopped you on the street and confessed “I’ve always wanted to have twins.  I think it would be so much fun!”  The message I got from society was that I should feel joyous, but in those initial months at home with our babies, I felt mainly exhausted and overwhelmed.  I concluded, therefore, that I must be a bad (or at least, inadequate) mother.  I could no longer see or appreciate the creative ways I was managing to love and care for two babies at once.

REALITY

You can love your twins unconditionally and feel blessed to have two beautiful babies.  However, you do not always have to love trying to meet the physical and emotional needs of two babies simultaneously, nor always rejoice over the way your life has so drastically changed.  Caring for two babies at once is one of the hardest things you may ever do in your life.  And no one else, unless they have multiples of their own, can understand what it really feels like.  Any reasonable person would at times feel exhausted, overwhelmed, and vulnerable to depression when faced with a relentless stream of diapers, feedings, and months of sleep deprivation.  Expect to feel a wide spectrum of emotions once your twins arrive.  You are not alone in your experience: Studies have found significantly high rates of chronic exhaustion among mothers of young twins (76% versus only 8% among mothers of singletons) and rates of depression ranging from 30% to 50% (three to five times the rates among mothers of singletons).  We typically think of postpartum depression (PPD) as having its onset within three months of childbirth.  However, experts on PPD now emphasize that women are at increased risk for depression for up to three years after giving birth.

MYTH #2

Taking time for yourself is selfish and means you’re not taking care of your family.  One of the most difficult things for mothers of multiples is to take time for ourselves.  Especially when our babies are little, they have so many physical and emotional needs that require our attention.  In my case, I had a supportive and involved husband who did his best to give me some breaks.  However, the guilt and ambivalence that I experienced when I did take time away from our babies made the psychological costs of nurturing myself too high.

REALITY

“You cannot give from an empty cup.” And you can’t replenish your cup unless you take a break.  Taking some time for yourself (to simply take a walk or have coffee with a friend) is important, not only for your well-being but for your babies as well.  A recent study of mothers of very young twins found that mothers who asked for help and were less exhausted were much more sensitive and responsible for their babies’ individual needs.  Of course, the reality is that any dedicated “Mommy Time” is extremely limited and therefore, precious. Protect it fiercely and spend it only on activities that you truly enjoy or with people who delight and nurture you.

MYTH #3

Each individual decision I make about how I raise my twins is critically important to their future well-being.  Making the wrong decision could be devastating.  As mothers, we are faced with a never-ending stream of choices regarding the care of our children: Breastfeed or bottle feed?  Return to work or stay home?  The list seems endless.  Unless we are careful, we can begin to expend too much energy worrying about making the “right decision,” losing sight of the bigger picture with respect to the good jobs we do as mothers.

REALITY

The decisions you make about caring for your twins deserve careful consideration.  But it is the sum of all your decisions and the daily interactions with your children that matter the most.  Trust yourself.  No one knows your twins better than you do.  If it turns out that a decision was not the best one, in the long run, you will know that and will have even more information under your belt to draw upon the next time you’re faced with a difficult decision.

I know now that the love I have for my twins is like an iceberg.  The tiny, exposed tip of the iceberg represents the day-to-day decisions: one crib or two, same classroom or separate?  But those decisions are supported by the unseen, massive body of the iceberg, comprised of all the loving interactions, attention, and care I have given our boys.  I know that it is the powerful base of the iceberg that shapes and nurtures them in the long run.

Raising twins is a unique challenge and it is hard work.  Don’t make your job even harder by letting these or other myths about motherhood rob you of your ability to see just how creative and capable you are. While some days will feel harder than others, there should also be some days when you can find ways to nurture yourself and take pleasure in the things you do. 

If these good days begin to disappear, especially if you notice other symptoms of clinical depression such as difficulty sleeping or eating, feeling sad, worthless, or hopeless about the future, don’t hesitate to seek professional help.  Asking for support during times of stress is not a sign of weakness, but rather a testament to how much you value and treasure your children, your family, and yourself.

The post The Myths of Motherhood appeared first on TWINS Magazine.

“When I was breastfeeding my twins, I felt like I had my shirt off 24 hours a day,” recalled Jean Dosdos, a breastfeeding support volunteer through the West Palm Beach Mothers of Twins Club in West Palm Beach, Fla. “I know how frustrating it can be for new moms of twins, and that’s why I volunteer. I know it’s a tremendous help to have that support and encouragement. Otherwise, new moms would quit trying after two or three weeks.”

Find support
The first steps to successfully nursing twins are to seek out supportive family, friends and an encouraging pediatrician; get accurate information; and turn a deaf ear to negative remarks. Talk to other mothers who are nursing twins a couple of months older than yours. Join a Mothers of Twins club and attend La Leche League meetings before your delivery. A lactation consultant can administer a healthy dose of facts and the wisdom of experience.

Carol Huotari, accredited La Leche League leader and an international board certified lactation consultant, said that commitment is essential to successfully breastfeeding twins. “A migratory field worker pumped her milk three times a day in the bus and the other workers laughed at her, but her commitment was strong and her twins were the healthy ones who didn’t have ear infections.”

Set goals
Knowing your goals is part of the commitment. “Are you going to nurse exclusively for six months? A working mother may supplement with bottles. Think it through and decide what will work in your life,” Huotari advised. Success is defined differently for every mother.

It takes time to learn
While still in the hospital, talk to your lactation consultant about your goals, concerns and lifestyle. Ask that she be there when you first nurse and ask for a home visit if you have preemies. She will guide you through the first sessions; they are the learning times for you and your babies. Your newborns are trying to latch on and you are establishing your milk supply. “With twins in the football hold position, you can really watch what they are doing with their mouth,” Huotari explained. As they grow you may find more comfortable positions.

Preemies may take a little longer to latch on since their sucking instinct may not be fully developed. In that case, you may need to pump your breasts to get the milk flowing.

You will have milk
When your twins latch on well and nurse effectively, your milk supply will quickly build. It is a case of demand and supply. The greater the demand, the more milk you supply. Expect to nurse your newborn twins about 10 to 12 times in a 24-hour period.

Until your twins learn to latch on, it may be a good idea to nurse them one at a time. “It really helps mothers to individualize their twins and see who’s who. Each baby has a different nursing style,” Huotari said.

Know who nurses when and where
Whether you continue to nurse them individually or simultaneously, you do it you need to be organized about it. Keeping track of who nursed first and at which breast helps you know how they are feeding.

“I breastfed my 30-month-old triplets, Sammy, Hope and Emma. One of the three is still breastfeeding, one weaned at 13 months, the other at 24 months,” said Sheri Ingalls of Port St. Lucie, Fla. “To keep my milk supply up, I nursed the babies on demand through the night. It also alleviated some of my concerns over the babies getting enough to eat. During the day, the babies had to be on a schedule so that I could ensure that each one had the opportunity to be first–which was the easiest let-down–and last, which was the longest time on Mommy. If I allowed them to nurse on demand all the time, Hope would have nursed all day and left the smaller ones with nothing.”

Sleep when your twins sleep
Allison Berryhill of Atlantic, Iowa, found nighttime nursing to be a way of life during her twin boys’ most milk-dependent months. “With newborns, I reclined in a pillow-piled Lay-Z-Boy, each boy to a breast, attached for the night. I did not get long, uninterrupted hours of slumber, but I was no more sleep-deprived than during the final months of pregnancy when few positions were comfortable.”

Sleep becomes the top priority–after establishing your milk supply and feeding your twins. The rule for mothers of twins is to sleep when your twins sleep.

You’ll get more rest if you can learn to nurse lying down in bed and if you set up a comfortable “nursing station” for the days. Whether it is a Lay-Z-Boy or a comfortable sofa, you need room to prop plenty of pillows and a footstool for your feet. On a table within easy reach have a telephone, diapers, a notepad for jotting down who nursed first and where, and a snack and a beverage. A well-arranged nursing station means you won’t have to hop up once you’re settled and you will be more rested.

Nurture yourself
If you become fatigued your ability to keep a positive outlook while coping with the ups and downs of nursing twins diminishes. You must take care of yourself. That means sleeping as much as possible, eating right, and drinking quarts of fluids each day.

The number one piece of advice new mothers of twins offer expectant mothers is to get help with the household chores and cooking.

But housework may have to wait. Cooking is something others do for you. Only you can nurse your twins.

Sleep deprivation and neglecting your basic care just opens the door to depression. About 10% of women have postpartum depression the first year, but with mothers of twins the figure jumps to 25%, according to Huotari. When you are home and alone with your babies, you can quickly feel isolated and overwhelmed. Be sure you have a friend to talk with, one who understands the special demands of multiples.

Don’t give up
Regardless of how much support you have and how well you prepare mentally, the reality of your new job can be an emotional seesaw and the adjustment definitely takes time. Huotari offered some sage advice: If you feel like giving up, stick with what you’re doing for three days and then see how you feel. Remember, tens of thousands of nursing mothers say joy does come out of the early chaos.

Sheri summed up: “Don’t listen to other people, not even doctors when they tell you it can’t be done. You can make enough milk. You can get some sleep. You can have a life! Don’t give up if it’s tough at first, because after your babies are bigger and getting more milk in a shorter period of time, it’s a breeze.”

BREASTFEEDING FAQs
How can I tell if my twins are nursing effectively?
Most newborns breastfeed 10 to 12 times per 24-hour period. They nurse for 15 to 30 minutes at a feeding and swallow after every one or two sucks. A baby who is having difficulty getting enough to eat will not latch on properly may want to nurse inordinately long and will not swallow often.

How do I know if my babies are getting enough to eat?
After the first couple of days, they saturate six to eight diapers per day and have from three to five bowel movements. With multiples, it is helpful to keep notes on who nursed at which breast, for how long, and the number of wet and soiled diapers. An electronic scale helps your confidence. Once your milk and their weight gain are established, tracking the nursing schedules and diapers is not essential.

Why are my twins suddenly starving all day and night?
Growth spurts occur periodically; the first may come as early as 10 to 14 days after birth. The next one may surface around four to six weeks and another one around three months. Prop your feet up and nurse, nurse, nurse on demand. Your milk supply will quickly catch up with your twins’ needs. If, however, you respond with supplemental bottles, your milk supply may not increase to meet the rising demand.

Can I nurse my preemies in the NICU?
Babies develop the ability to swallow when they are 11 to 16 weeks in utero. The ability to suck follows a few weeks later. The ability to coordinate both actions and breathing comes later still. If your babies are very low birth weight, you may have to express your breast. Expect to pump for a total of 100 to 120 minutes a day. The NICU will watch for signs that your preemies are ready for nutritive sucking.

The post How to Succeed in Nursing Multiples appeared first on TWINS Magazine.

As a psychologist working with twins, I have found that twins express a wide range of ideas about twinship and individuality. Some confess to believing that, separated, they are less than a whole human being, and together they are an unusually powerful human being. There is also a frequent theme of “good” twin and “evil” twin as if in their separation one became the embodiment of good and the other of evil. Some twins report a fear that parents confused their identities as newborns, and that they will never know who is really who. Some describe their twin as the other side of them. Still, others say that when they want to be by themselves it really means they want to be with their twin.

In developmental psychology and psychoanalysis, we learn that separateness and difference between self and other is a slowly evolving understanding. According to this premise, we all begin life as a whole, undifferentiated from others, knowing no demarcation of self and other. As we develop psychologically, we come to understand that we are indeed differentiated and split off from what we once were a part of.

When some people see identical twins, they may have an uneasy feeling that stems from an unconscious memory of not being fully differentiated. They may recognize a wish to be able to exist as an individual and yet not do so. In other words, in twins, people can see the possibility of eliminating the pain and loneliness of individuality while still remaining individual. This potential may explain the world’s fascination with twins. Even twins themselves feel this fascination.

An identical twin told me the following story. She was in a beauty shop where she saw a set of identical twins sitting side-by-side under the hairdryers talking to each other. She watched them with fascination and had the thought, “I wonder what that feels like.” Then she remembered that she was an identical twin. What she felt was the longing that all people experience to be back in a time prior to the existence of separation and loneliness, to be one with another person. Because twins shared the same womb before birth and before psychological separateness, I believe they can feel this longing infinitely more intensely than non-twins.

One of the most widely circulated photos in the last few years tenderly demonstrates that the twin bond is formed in the womb. A 1995 article in the Worcester Gazette (Mass.) entitled “The Rescuing Hug,”* described twins born prematurely and put in separate incubators, a standard practice. Three weeks after birth one of the twins was in critical condition; the nurses were unable to stabilize her and feared she would die. With the parents’ consent, they put the twins together in one incubator. The healthy twin snuggled up to the sick twin and wrapped her tiny arm around her sister. Within minutes the sick twin’s blood oxygen rates were the best they had been since she was born.

How these–or any twins–move from a “we” position to an “I” position is a primary task of childhood and sometimes adulthood. It is a difficult task for any human being, and exponentially so for twins. Through repetitive interactions with our environment, we begin to discover who we are by separating ourselves out from the rest of the world. The primary separation is from mother.

For twins and triplets, however, the process is complicated by the fact that they must learn to distinguish themselves from a constant companion. To the extent that they appear identical, the task will be that much more difficult. This process begins around 6 months of age. Parents discover that a baby who previously would let many people hold him will no longer do so. We call this “stranger anxiety” and it implies that the baby has begun to separate people, including himself, from others. Interestingly, psychological researchers have found that often between the ages of 6 and 10 months twins seem to become highly aware of each other while being averse to gazing at each other. It is as if in this time of initial separation and individuation the presence of one so similar to oneself is somehow troubling.

If parents treat twins as a unit, it can hinder the process of attaining an individual identity, even for infants. To the extent parents can experience and treat their multiples as individuals, the greater will be their children’s ability to experience themselves as individuals. The more individuated each multiple is, the more stable his or her relationship will be throughout the trials of life. Developing as an individual is not a threat to the twin bond, but contributes to the health of the twinship.

How parents help twins and triplets develop their own identities must be done on a child-by-child basis. No one answer is right for all twins. I have many stories from twins I’ve worked with in psychotherapy who describe severe trauma from being separated. I also have many stories of twins suffering trauma from not being separated. Parents must evaluate the individual situations. Regarding wearing the same clothes, sharing birthday parties, having play dates together, and so on, look at the twins as individuals and explore, with their help, what is in each one’s best interest. While we don’t necessarily accept their judgment as final, considering their wishes certainly increases the possibility of making healthy decisions for twin children.

Most of the twins I have worked with express the feeling of being a twin as a blessing, regardless of the complications involved. They point out that they have a head start on human relationships. In helping twins become healthy individuals, secure in their own identities, and able to form satisfying and fulfilling relationships with others, we teach them to balance unity and separation. Ultimately, they can enjoy being close with another person in a way that is never experienced by a non-twin and satisfies an intense longing in the human condition.

The post Am I an I or a We: Helping twins to be individuals appeared first on TWINS Magazine.

“I know it’s easier for you to have your boys in the same class,” a well-meaning teacher told me when I registered my twin boys for kindergarten. “But it really is better for them to be separated.”

That was my first experience with the public school system and I was a little intimidated by the whole process of filling out forms, watching my kids go through endless screenings, meeting with the guidance counselor, talking with the kindergarten teachers and touring the school. Not to mention, I was in emotional turmoil over the reality that the tiny infants I held in my arms only yesterday were going to “the big school.”

I had tried to prepare my boys and myself for this huge milestone in their lives. I sent them to preschool two days a week for two years, which I had fooled myself into believing was just like “regular school.” We talked about kindergarten all summer long. We drove by the school, looked at school buses and attended the school open houses. As the time drew nearer, though, it all became overwhelming and I was—for lack of a better term—freaking out. My babies were going to be riding a bus—all by themselves. They were going to have to find their own way to their classroom, make new friends, buy their own lunches… and, who knows what else. On top of all these worries, I needed to make a decision that could affect Andrew and Nathan’s first experience with school and maybe even set the tone for their entire adolescent development. Should I keep them in the same classroom or separate them?
It seemed to me that the best choice for them during this time of transition would be to stay together. I felt that they would find comfort and feel less threatened by this new experience if they were together. That’s why I boldly and adamantly announced to the teachers, guidance counselors and anyone else, “I want my boys to be kept together.”

Now, in the face of this professional educator telling me that my desire was not only wrong but was also somehow sel?sh, I began to doubt myself. Could I not know my twins as well as I thought? Did I want to keep them in the same classroom because it would make them feel more comfortable, or because it would make me feel more comfortable? Could the expert be right? Should all twins be separated? I didn’t think so then � and I don’t think so now.

When I consulted the literature, there were differing views on the subject. Many experts, like the school teacher with whom I spoke, believe that separating twins in school will help develop their individuality while decreasing constant comparisons made by teachers, other students and the twins themselves. As parents know, competition between multiples can become a real stumbling block to their development and self-esteem.

On the other hand, some experts believe that twins benefit from the social support they give one another when placed in the same classroom. Separation can actually be detrimental because the twins receive the message that there is something wrong with being a twin. Instead of viewing their relationship as unique and special, they begin to view it as different � even abnormal.

Still confused, I spoke with adult twins. Janet, a co-worker and identical twin, was grateful that she and her sister were never separated in school. She did wish, however, that they had been forced to interact more on an individual basis in high school. Leaving each other to go away to college was almost unbearable because they had never been separated at any point in their lives.

Wanda, a 70-something identical twin whom Andrew, Nathan and I bumped into at the grocery store, told me that people don’t understand the bond between twins. Unlike Janet, she was separated from her sister in school and said that while they enjoyed having their own friends, they wished that they were together more. This feeling was intensified for her now, she told me, because her sister had just passed away.

Having read what the psychologists, pediatricians and educators had to say, and then talking to twins myself, I decided that to make this decision, I needed to look at my own twins.

Andrew and Nathan are very sweet, self-assured little boys. They tremendously enjoy being together, but they also enjoy the company of other children. They are sensitive, caring and smart. When asked, they said they would like to have the same teacher and be in the same classroom. I agreed and decided that for my twins, separation would be detrimental—both socially and emotionally.

After the first grading period, Andrew and Nathan’s kindergarten teacher agreed with me too. She made sure they had opportunities in the classroom to be on separate teams, to work at different stations with other children and to be themselves. At the same time she gave them the opportunity to be together. During our ?rst parent-teacher conference, she was pleased to report that my boys were doing very well and she saw absolutely no problems with keeping them together.

So is this the best choice for every set of twins? No, I don’t believe so. If there is one thing that I learned in my search it is that, as every child is different, every situation is different. For your twins or multiples, separation may be the best choice. It may be an opportunity for them to shine as individuals, to develop a positive sense of self and to experience a world outside of each other. Or, your twins, like mine, may find needed comfort and stability in being together. They may flourish as a team and be able to strike a balance between being together and being with others. Like nearly all aspects of parenting multiples, this is an issue that you need to figure out on your own—with the help of your children. Don’t be afraid to ask others to get new perspectives, but ultimately, you know your children best.

Plan to revisit this issue every year. I believe that we made the best choice for Andrew and Nathan this year, but I also know from experience that they continue to grow and change. And, what’s best for them down the road may be different. Such is life as a mother of multiples.

The post It’s Your Decision appeared first on TWINS Magazine.