1,190 miles apart.

And I somehow feel closer to her than I have in a long time. Every time I go out with my sister, someone asks us if we are twins, something that we are so accustomed to since we are in fact twins. The typical follow-up questions are the cheeky “Who’s the good twin?” and “Who’s the quiet one?” But the question that resonates with me the most is “Do you have twin telepathy?” It seems like such a ridiculous concept, but contemplating the matter, I do believe that we have telepathic powers in a strange way. While it is certainly not the way Hollywood or TV shows portray the dynamic, certainly it is something extraordinary that only twins can understand. Of course, we are not able to communicate test answers to each other or know exactly what the other is thinking at a certain point in time, but the bond that we share is like no other.

When I fractured my elbow in the second grade, peers constantly asked Jenni if she felt the excruciating pain. Thank goodness, no! However, we can both say that we sense each other’s emotions. During our high school years and college experiences, we have spent almost every day together. Interestingly, we both happen to be finance majors at the University of Georgia, so consequentially, we have many of the same classes, our lunch schedules coincide, and we naturally gravitate towards each other out of habit and convenience. In addition, we also live together along with two other roommates. We clearly always have an idea of what is going on in the other’s life since we spend many hours together in our normal daily routines. During the moments in which we have been apart, I have felt intense feelings of happiness or sharp pangs of sadness without reason. Later, I have found out that I am experiencing Jenni’s respective emotions, and the opposite is true as well.

The ultimate test of truly knowing whether we had a strong sense of each other’s emotions was when Jenni moved to Minneapolis for a 10-week internship.

10 weeks.

Now, that’s a long time, especially considering that we were together in the womb for 9 months and developed an intimate, inseparable bond ever since. I knew that being apart for so long would be a challenge for both of us, as we have historically been quite dependent on each other for support. During the first week of both of our summer internships, I withdrew myself from friends and family, as I honestly felt miserable. I avoided talking about my work and dodged all questions addressing it. Jenni noticed that something was off. Ultimately, I never told her anything about my experience and how I felt like a fish out of water in a field that I did not care for at all. I made the decision to resign from my position without telling her because I did not want to worry her or cause her to feel any distress when she was obviously powerless to help me with my situation.

When I finally had the courage to tell her that I resigned from my position, she told me that she was not surprised at all. She felt intense levels of discomfort and felt out of place without knowing why. She obviously was adjusting to her new environment in Minneapolis but could not explain feelings of dread and misery that she periodically felt. I knew that she had been feeling the emotions that I had experienced during my internship. Knowing that Jenni somewhat understood how I was feeling gave me a sense of relief and consolation. Knowing that despite being almost 2000 miles apart, we could still empathize with each other was a beautiful feeling.

During the past month since my resignation from my summer position, I have been searching to fill an emptiness that I was feeling from a lack of passion for my career. My twin has supported me throughout these struggles and has given me words of encouragement throughout this difficult, uncomfortable, and at times painful process. This week, I noticed that I was feeling upbeat and rejuvenated, eager to read and write for fun, something that was much-needed but I had not done for years. This week truly has been a turning point for me. However, suddenly, on the Fourth of July, I felt an indescribable amount of emotional pain and was wondering

Where is this coming from?

My instinct told me that something with Jenni was not right. The following day, I received a phone call from Jenni, which really surprised me, because I am typically the one to call her first. I dropped everything that I was doing at that moment because I felt that she needed me and urgently. Sure enough, she was in tears, and I had correctly suspected what the matter was with her situation. The dynamic that we have is something felt on such a deep level; we are always connected, as we share the same DNA and have very similar life experiences. In a way, feeling her emotions makes me feel hopeless because no matter what I say or do, I know there really is nothing that I can do for her other than give her consoling words and a hug when she is there with me.

While these responses do help the other person to feel supported and loved, it certainly does not alleviate the pain that the other is feeling.

After our conversation, I felt guilty that there was nothing I could do in the moment to make her feel better. I couldn’t leave my work and take a plane to visit her in Minneapolis; even if I could, my mere presence wouldn’t solve her problems. All I could do was hope and pray that with time, she would feel better, and she will.

That night, I had an interesting idea. I sent Jenni a post of a leg work-out that I had found and challenged her to perform the exercises with me. While it may seem silly, I felt Jenni’s presence while I was working out and felt more motivation because I knew she was doing it with me. It was a peaceful way to end the day, and after feeling each other’s strong emotions, the work-out was a metaphorical way in which we communicated to each other that we would grow stronger amid our circumstances.

[author] [author_image timthumb=’on’]https://twinsmagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/AileenVezeau-cropped.jpg[/author_image] [author_info]Aileen Vezeau is a fourth-year finance and Spanish student at the University of Georgia. She is passionate about volunteering in the Athens community as a Spanish interpreter at a health clinic and at elementary schools. During her free time, she enjoys playing volleyball, soccer, and of course spending time with her twin!

aileen_vezeau on Instagram [/author_info] [/author]

The post It’s a Twin Thing appeared first on TWINS Magazine.

I sat in a filled auditorium waiting for a lecture on “The Link Between Thinking and Feeling.” The lecturer did not begin on time due to problems with the slide projector. The minutes crept by, and the audience grew restless.

Finally, the speaker walked to the lectern and commanded “Slides!” to his assistant.

The lights went out, but nothing happened. Tension grew. A light flashed on the screen and quickly flickered out… darkness again. Suddenly there was a loud crash as if 100 slides had spilled out onto the floor. The house lights went on, revealing a distressed assistant in the back of the room.

But our attention turned back to the front when the lecturer threw his notes down and stomped into the wings. The audience gasped and held its collective breath. Before we could let it out, the lecturer returned to the podium and asked, “Well, how are you feeling, and have you learned anything yet?”

I got the point immediately. The emotional overtones of the session had completely obliterated anything I might have gained from his lecture. He gave us a firsthand demonstration on how emotional climate affects the ability to take in and understand information.

Think of toddlers in the bathtub faced with a furious parent trying to teach a lesson about keeping the water inside the tub. What lesson do the children remember? It’s hard to tell. Think of toddlers who live in a household where angry feelings between parents are the rule. How does it affect them? Even a little lesson like staying off the coffee table changes when emotional overtones in the house are present.

Of course, all parents get upset about their children’s behavior and about each other’s behavior sometimes. However, it’s good to be aware that these feelings affect learning. If you’re furious about what your child did to her co-twin, for example, let her know that you won’t allow that behavior – but wait until you calm down to help her understand the situation. If you’re upset about rough treatment of the cat, stop it – but save the lesson on how to pet the cat for when the emotional climate is right.

It’s not easy for parents of toddlers to continually create an emotional climate that is conducive to learning. Toddlers can challenge their parents in ways that trigger emotional responses in even the most mild-mannered person.

A big shock for me as a parent came when I discovered how different toddlerhood is from fantasy. Those sweet, innocent babes that just lie there become walking balls of fire once they get up on their feet. And by 2 years of age, there’s no stopping them! Toddlers demand a different kind of parenting from what they needed as infants. They need parents who set limits and enforce them in a firm, but calm, way.

The Power of Firmness

Being firm is a real switch for many parents. Infants don’t call for firmness – but rather, responsiveness. Reading their signals and meeting their needs are the primary concerns. The question is, what are my babies trying to tell me, and how should I respond? Toddlers still have needs, of course, but those needs often lead them into behaviors their parents never even thought of! And besides having needs, they also make impossible demands. The best parental response in the face of a good deal of toddler behavior is firmness.

A firm but calm response is easier said than done. It’s very difficult to keep from losing one’s temper in the face of some 2-year-old behavior. How many parents are able to face toddler defiance and negativity calmly? It’s hard, but important, to create an emotional climate that is conducive to learning. If you understand that whatever you’re trying to teach the child is probably lost when you blow up, it may help keep you calmer. And worse – it isn’t just lost for the child who is the target of the anger, but probably for his co-twin as well.

I think of myself in the lecture hall. The speaker wasn’t furious with me, but with the assistant; however, the emotional climate between the two of them affected every single person in the auditorium in some way.

If you grew up in a family that saw fear or anger as a way to teach a lesson, remember that the emotional overlay of a situation is taken in along with the instruction.

For example, my first day as a community college teacher, I was quite nervous. I sat down to memorize my telephone extension and my office number. The numbers were similar; and in my confused and fearful state of mind, I never got them straight. After five years at that college, I was still looking up those numbers. When I tried to remember them, the feelings came back and got in the way.

So if you’re trying to get your toddlers to remember to hang-up their coats, don’t put an emotional overlay on the situation that brings fear or confusion. They may look at the hook, forget the coat, and recall only the feelings. At that moment, the lesson you intended to teach is lost!

Don’t Cry Over Spilled Milk

So what can you do to help keep the emotional climate at least neutral, if not positive? Here are four suggestions:

• Keep your perspective. It helps to remember that toddlerhood is a stage and it will pass. The negativity and defiance come because toddlers are working on issues of autonomy. They are trying out their power. Keep your perspective on the matter, and it may help you keep your temper.
• Save the lessons if you get too angry. Just get through the situation. Sit down afterwards with your child or children and reflect back on what happened. Talking about things when you have all calmed down helps.
• Keep out of power struggles. Sidestep a power struggle when you perceive that you’re headed into one. Don’t be as stubborn as your toddler; use your adult intelligence to figure out how to keep from bumping heads.
• Be aware of the possibility that your child (or children) may be seeking negative attention. Some children find that they can get parents to spend plenty of time and energy on them only if they misbehave. In a sense, they learn to misbehave. When that happens, parents must demonstrate that attention comes from positive behavior more readily than negative behavior.

Janet Gonzalez-Mena of Napa, California, has taught early childhood education at Napa Valley College. She is author of the book Dragon Mom, and the mother of five children.

The post How Do Emotions Affect Learning? appeared first on TWINS Magazine.

Breastfeeding twins is an incredible way to ensure your twins health and can be done.

There it was again–another look of disbelief. Melinda’s confidence dipped a little lower with each look or thoughtless remark: “You’re not going to nurse twins, are you?” or “You’ll have your hands full enough without nursing.” Already exhausted from a lack of sleep–it was hard to get comfortable at night–Melinda was especially vulnerable to negative remarks. Melinda’s concerns–sleep and milk–are not unlike those of thousands of other mothers who eventually find nursing twins one of the most rewarding experiences of their lives. In the beginning, however, the reality–sleep, milk production, emotions and a dramatic change in lifestyle–can be overwhelming.

“When I was breastfeeding my twins, I felt like I had my shirt off 24 hours a day,” recalled Jean Dosdos, a breastfeeding support volunteer through the West Palm Beach Mothers of Twins Club in West Palm Beach, Fla. “I know how frustrating it can be for new moms of twins, and that’s why I volunteer. I know it’s a tremendous help to have that support and encouragement. Otherwise, new moms would quit trying after two or three weeks.”

The Proper Technique for Breastfeeding Twins

Breastfeding Twins is simply a skill you must learn to do correctly.

As soon as your twins are born, you will want to have a Lactation Consultant come in to your hospital room. She will show you how to properly hold each twin, position his or her mouth around your nipple and latch properly onto your breast.

The first steps to successfully nursing twins are to seek out supportive family, friends and an encouraging Pediatrician; get accurate information; and turn a deaf ear to negative remarks.

Talk to other mothers who are nursing twins a couple of months older than yours. Join a Mothers of Twins club and attend La Leche League meetings before your delivery.

Carol Huotari, accredited La Leche League leader and an international board certified lactation consultant, said that commitment is essential to successfully breastfeeding twins. “A migratory field worker pumped her milk three times a day in the bus and the other workers laughed at her, but her commitment was strong and her twins were the healthy ones who didn’t have ear infections.”

Set Goals to Ensure You Will Be Successful at Breastfeeding Your Twins

“Are you going to nurse exclusively for six months? A working mother may supplement with bottles. Think it through and decide what will work in your life,” Huotari advised. Success is defined differently for every mother.

Be Patient with Yourself While You are Learning How to Breastfeed Your Twins

While still in the hospital, talk to a Lactation Consultant about your goals, concerns and lifestyle.

Ask that she be there when you first nurse and ask for a home visit if you have preemies.

Contact your local Lactation Consultant Organization to schedule home visits.

The Lactation Consultant in the hospital will guide you through the first sessions.

These are the learning times for you and your twins. Your newborn twins are trying to latch on and you are establishing your milk supply.

“With twins in the football hold position, you can really watch what they are doing with their mouth,” Huotari explained. As they grow you may find more comfortable positions.

Preemies may take a little longer to latch on since their sucking instinct may not be fully developed. In that case, you may need to pump your breasts to get the milk flowing.

You Will Have Enough Milk to Breastfeed Your Twins

When your twins latch on well and nurse effectively, your milk supply will quickly build.

It is a case of demand and supply. The greater the demand, the more milk you supply. Expect to nurse your newborn twins about 10 to 12 times in a 24-hour period.

Until your twins learn to latch on, it may be a good idea to nurse them one at a time.

“It really helps mothers to individualize their twins and see who’s who. Each baby has a different nursing style,” Huotari said.

Know Which Twin Nursed When and on Which Breast

Whether you continue to nurse them individually or simultaneously, you do it you need to be organized about it. Keeping track of who nursed first and at which breast helps you know how they are feeding.

Each of the twins might have different appetite and sucking behavior.

Therefore, alternate which twin feeds from each breast with every feeding. A great way to remember which twin fed from each breast is to wear a simple bracelet or hairtie on your wrist. Assign the hairtie to Twin A. After you have completed breastfeeding your twins, move the hairtie to the other wrist. This will tell you that Twin A should feed from that breast during the next feeding.

“I breastfed my 30-month-old triplets, Sammy, Hope and Emma. One of the three is still breastfeeding, one weaned at 13 months, the other at 24 months,” said Sheri Ingalls of Port St. Lucie, Fla.

“To keep my milk supply up, I nursed the babies on demand through the night. It also alleviated some of my concern over the babies getting enough to eat. During the day, the babies had to be on a schedule so that I could ensure that each one had the opportunity to be first–which was the easiest let-down–and last, which was the longest time on Mommy. If I allowed them to nurse on demand all the time, Hope would have nursed all day and left the smaller ones with nothing.”

Sleep When Your Twins Sleep

Allison Berryhill of Atlantic, Iowa, found nighttime nursing to be a way of life during her twin boys’ most milk-dependent months. “With newborns, I reclined in a pillow-piled Lay-Z-Boy, each boy to a breast, attached for the night. I did not get long, uninterrupted hours of slumber, but I was no more sleep-deprived than during the final months of pregnancy when few positions were comfortable.”

Sleep becomes the top priority–after establishing your milk supply and feeding your twins.

The rule for mothers of twins is sleep when your twins sleep.

You’ll get more rest if you can learn to nurse lying down in bed and if you set up a comfortable “nursing station” for the days.

Whether it is a Lay-Z-Boy or a comfortable sofa, you need room to prop plenty of pillows and a footstool for your feet. On a table within easy reach have a telephone, diapers, a notepad for jotting down who nursed first and where, and a snack and a beverage.

A well-arranged nursing station means you won’t have to hop up once you’re settled and you will be more rested.

You Must Take Care of Yourself Before You Can Care for Your Twins

If you become fatigued your ability to keep a positive outlook while coping with the ups and downs of nursing twins diminishes.

You must take care of yourself first.

That means sleeping as much as possible, eating right and drinking plenty of fluids each day.

The number one piece of advice new mothers of twins offer expectant mothers is to get help with the household chores and cooking.

But housework may have to wait. Cooking is something others do for you.

Only you can nurse your twins.

Sleep deprivation and neglecting your basic care just opens the door to depression.

About 10% of women have postpartum depression the first year, but with mothers of twins the figure jumps to 25%, according to Huotari. When you are home and alone with your babies, you can quickly feel isolated and overwhelmed.

Be sure you have a friend to talk with, one who understands the special demands of multiples.

Don’t Give Up

Regardless of how much support you have and how well you prepare mentally, the reality of your new job can be an emotional seesaw and the adjustment definitely takes time.

Huotari offered some sage advice: If you feel like giving up, stick with what you’re doing for three days and then see how you feel. Remember, tens of thousands of nursing mothers say joy does come out of the early chaos.

Sheri summed up: “Don’t listen to other people, not even doctors, when they tell you it can’t be done. You can make enough milk. You can get some sleep. You can have a life! Don’t give up if it’s tough at first, because after your babies are bigger and getting more milk in a shorter period of time, it’s a breeze.”

BREASTFEEDING FAQs

How can I tell if my twins are nursing effectively?

Most newborns breastfeed 10 to 12 times per 24-hour period. They nurse for 15 to 30 minutes at a feeding and swallow after every one or two sucks. A baby who is having difficulty getting enough to eat will not latch on properly, may want to nurse inordinately long and will not swallow often.

How do I know if my babies are getting enough to eat?

After the first couple of days, they saturate six to eight diapers per day and have from three to five bowel movements.

With multiples, it is helpful to keep notes on who nursed at which breast, for how long, and the number of wet and soiled diapers. An electronic scale help your confidence.

Once your milk and their weight gain are established, tracking the nursing schedules and diapers is not essential.

Why are my twins suddenly starving all day and night?

Growth spurts occur periodically; the first may come as early as 10 to 14 days after birth. The next one may surface around four to six weeks and another one around three months.

Prop your feet up and nurse, nurse, nurse on demand. Your milk supply will quickly catch up with your twins’ needs. If, however, you respond with supplemental bottles, your milk supply may not increase to meet the rising demand.

Can I nurse my preemies in the NICU?

Babies develop the ability to swallow when they are 11 to 16 weeks in utero.

The ability to suck follows a few weeks later. The ability to coordinate both actions and breathing comes later still. If your babies are very low birth weight, you may have to express your breast.

Expect to pump for a total of 100 to 120 minutes a day. The NICU will watch for signs that your preemies are ready for nutritive sucking.

The post Breastfeeding Twins: It Can Be Done! appeared first on TWINS Magazine.

But continuing to live my life this way began to exact a toll on my physical and emotional health.  I got pneumonia when the boys were one year old, and I had a fever that continued for more than a year.  Then I began to awaken at three o’clock every morning, unable to get back to sleep.  When the alarm went off, I would lie in bed exhausted, feeling a sense of despair and dread, wondering how I could face another day.

That dark mood began to permeate every aspect of my life.  At one point, I remember crying almost daily during my long commute to pick the boys up from daycare.  I waited, hoping to “snap out of it.”  Yet the sadness continued.

Finally, I summoned the courage to ask my doctor for a referral to a therapist.  Asking for help and admitting that I suffered from depression represented a giant step for me.  With the help of a gifted therapist and a course of antidepressant medication, I began the process of emerging from my depression.  This involved making some logistical changes in our daily routine in order to reduce stress, as well as trying to understand and change the negative “self-talk” that fueled my depression.

Our boys are now almost 6 and life seems much easier than when they were babies.  In retrospect, I can see that there were several core “myths” that contributed to my depression and robbed me of my ability to enjoy those early years with our new family.  I share these core myths along with the realities, as I now see them, with the hope that other new mothers of multiples might read them and discover ways to be gentler on their own self.

MYTH #1

You should always feel lucky and blessed to be the mother of twins.  Our culture still romanticizes motherhood, perpetuating the myth that being home with infants or young children is always joyful and easier than being out in the “real” world.  Therefore, being home with two babies as once must be “twice the joy”.  How many times have strangers stopped you on the street and confessed “I’ve always wanted to have twins.  I think it would be so much fun!”  The message I got from society was that I should feel joyous, but in those initial months at home with our babies, I felt mainly exhausted and overwhelmed.  I concluded, therefore, that I must be a bad (or at least, inadequate) mother.  I could no longer see or appreciate the creative ways I was managing to love and care for two babies at once.

REALITY

You can love your twins unconditionally and feel blessed to have two beautiful babies.  However, you do not always have to love trying to meet the physical and emotional needs of two babies simultaneously, nor always rejoice over the way your life has so drastically changed.  Caring for two babies at once is one of the hardest things you may ever do in your life.  And no one else, unless they have multiples of their own, can understand what it really feels like.  Any reasonable person would at times feel exhausted, overwhelmed, and vulnerable to depression when faced with a relentless stream of diapers, feedings, and months of sleep deprivation.  Expect to feel a wide spectrum of emotions once your twins arrive.  You are not alone in your experience: Studies have found significantly high rates of chronic exhaustion among mothers of young twins (76% versus only 8% among mothers of singletons) and rates of depression ranging from 30% to 50% (three to five times the rates among mothers of singletons).  We typically think of postpartum depression (PPD) as having its onset within three months of childbirth.  However, experts on PPD now emphasize that women are at increased risk for depression for up to three years after giving birth.

MYTH #2

Taking time for yourself is selfish and means you’re not taking care of your family.  One of the most difficult things for mothers of multiples is to take time for ourselves.  Especially when our babies are little, they have so many physical and emotional needs that require our attention.  In my case, I had a supportive and involved husband who did his best to give me some breaks.  However, the guilt and ambivalence that I experienced when I did take time away from our babies made the psychological costs of nurturing myself too high.

REALITY

“You cannot give from an empty cup.” And you can’t replenish your cup unless you take a break.  Taking some time for yourself (to simply take a walk or have coffee with a friend) is important, not only for your well-being but for your babies as well.  A recent study of mothers of very young twins found that mothers who asked for help and were less exhausted were much more sensitive and responsible for their babies’ individual needs.  Of course, the reality is that any dedicated “Mommy Time” is extremely limited and therefore, precious. Protect it fiercely and spend it only on activities that you truly enjoy or with people who delight and nurture you.

MYTH #3

Each individual decision I make about how I raise my twins is critically important to their future well-being.  Making the wrong decision could be devastating.  As mothers, we are faced with a never-ending stream of choices regarding the care of our children: Breastfeed or bottle feed?  Return to work or stay home?  The list seems endless.  Unless we are careful, we can begin to expend too much energy worrying about making the “right decision,” losing sight of the bigger picture with respect to the good jobs we do as mothers.

REALITY

The decisions you make about caring for your twins deserve careful consideration.  But it is the sum of all your decisions and the daily interactions with your children that matter the most.  Trust yourself.  No one knows your twins better than you do.  If it turns out that a decision was not the best one, in the long run, you will know that and will have even more information under your belt to draw upon the next time you’re faced with a difficult decision.

I know now that the love I have for my twins is like an iceberg.  The tiny, exposed tip of the iceberg represents the day-to-day decisions: one crib or two, same classroom or separate?  But those decisions are supported by the unseen, massive body of the iceberg, comprised of all the loving interactions, attention, and care I have given our boys.  I know that it is the powerful base of the iceberg that shapes and nurtures them in the long run.

Raising twins is a unique challenge and it is hard work.  Don’t make your job even harder by letting these or other myths about motherhood rob you of your ability to see just how creative and capable you are. While some days will feel harder than others, there should also be some days when you can find ways to nurture yourself and take pleasure in the things you do. 

If these good days begin to disappear, especially if you notice other symptoms of clinical depression such as difficulty sleeping or eating, feeling sad, worthless, or hopeless about the future, don’t hesitate to seek professional help.  Asking for support during times of stress is not a sign of weakness, but rather a testament to how much you value and treasure your children, your family, and yourself.

The post The Myths of Motherhood appeared first on TWINS Magazine.

“When I was breastfeeding my twins, I felt like I had my shirt off 24 hours a day,” recalled Jean Dosdos, a breastfeeding support volunteer through the West Palm Beach Mothers of Twins Club in West Palm Beach, Fla. “I know how frustrating it can be for new moms of twins, and that’s why I volunteer. I know it’s a tremendous help to have that support and encouragement. Otherwise, new moms would quit trying after two or three weeks.”

Find support
The first steps to successfully nursing twins are to seek out supportive family, friends and an encouraging pediatrician; get accurate information; and turn a deaf ear to negative remarks. Talk to other mothers who are nursing twins a couple of months older than yours. Join a Mothers of Twins club and attend La Leche League meetings before your delivery. A lactation consultant can administer a healthy dose of facts and the wisdom of experience.

Carol Huotari, accredited La Leche League leader and an international board certified lactation consultant, said that commitment is essential to successfully breastfeeding twins. “A migratory field worker pumped her milk three times a day in the bus and the other workers laughed at her, but her commitment was strong and her twins were the healthy ones who didn’t have ear infections.”

Set goals
Knowing your goals is part of the commitment. “Are you going to nurse exclusively for six months? A working mother may supplement with bottles. Think it through and decide what will work in your life,” Huotari advised. Success is defined differently for every mother.

It takes time to learn
While still in the hospital, talk to your lactation consultant about your goals, concerns and lifestyle. Ask that she be there when you first nurse and ask for a home visit if you have preemies. She will guide you through the first sessions; they are the learning times for you and your babies. Your newborns are trying to latch on and you are establishing your milk supply. “With twins in the football hold position, you can really watch what they are doing with their mouth,” Huotari explained. As they grow you may find more comfortable positions.

Preemies may take a little longer to latch on since their sucking instinct may not be fully developed. In that case, you may need to pump your breasts to get the milk flowing.

You will have milk
When your twins latch on well and nurse effectively, your milk supply will quickly build. It is a case of demand and supply. The greater the demand, the more milk you supply. Expect to nurse your newborn twins about 10 to 12 times in a 24-hour period.

Until your twins learn to latch on, it may be a good idea to nurse them one at a time. “It really helps mothers to individualize their twins and see who’s who. Each baby has a different nursing style,” Huotari said.

Know who nurses when and where
Whether you continue to nurse them individually or simultaneously, you do it you need to be organized about it. Keeping track of who nursed first and at which breast helps you know how they are feeding.

“I breastfed my 30-month-old triplets, Sammy, Hope and Emma. One of the three is still breastfeeding, one weaned at 13 months, the other at 24 months,” said Sheri Ingalls of Port St. Lucie, Fla. “To keep my milk supply up, I nursed the babies on demand through the night. It also alleviated some of my concerns over the babies getting enough to eat. During the day, the babies had to be on a schedule so that I could ensure that each one had the opportunity to be first–which was the easiest let-down–and last, which was the longest time on Mommy. If I allowed them to nurse on demand all the time, Hope would have nursed all day and left the smaller ones with nothing.”

Sleep when your twins sleep
Allison Berryhill of Atlantic, Iowa, found nighttime nursing to be a way of life during her twin boys’ most milk-dependent months. “With newborns, I reclined in a pillow-piled Lay-Z-Boy, each boy to a breast, attached for the night. I did not get long, uninterrupted hours of slumber, but I was no more sleep-deprived than during the final months of pregnancy when few positions were comfortable.”

Sleep becomes the top priority–after establishing your milk supply and feeding your twins. The rule for mothers of twins is to sleep when your twins sleep.

You’ll get more rest if you can learn to nurse lying down in bed and if you set up a comfortable “nursing station” for the days. Whether it is a Lay-Z-Boy or a comfortable sofa, you need room to prop plenty of pillows and a footstool for your feet. On a table within easy reach have a telephone, diapers, a notepad for jotting down who nursed first and where, and a snack and a beverage. A well-arranged nursing station means you won’t have to hop up once you’re settled and you will be more rested.

Nurture yourself
If you become fatigued your ability to keep a positive outlook while coping with the ups and downs of nursing twins diminishes. You must take care of yourself. That means sleeping as much as possible, eating right, and drinking quarts of fluids each day.

The number one piece of advice new mothers of twins offer expectant mothers is to get help with the household chores and cooking.

But housework may have to wait. Cooking is something others do for you. Only you can nurse your twins.

Sleep deprivation and neglecting your basic care just opens the door to depression. About 10% of women have postpartum depression the first year, but with mothers of twins the figure jumps to 25%, according to Huotari. When you are home and alone with your babies, you can quickly feel isolated and overwhelmed. Be sure you have a friend to talk with, one who understands the special demands of multiples.

Don’t give up
Regardless of how much support you have and how well you prepare mentally, the reality of your new job can be an emotional seesaw and the adjustment definitely takes time. Huotari offered some sage advice: If you feel like giving up, stick with what you’re doing for three days and then see how you feel. Remember, tens of thousands of nursing mothers say joy does come out of the early chaos.

Sheri summed up: “Don’t listen to other people, not even doctors when they tell you it can’t be done. You can make enough milk. You can get some sleep. You can have a life! Don’t give up if it’s tough at first, because after your babies are bigger and getting more milk in a shorter period of time, it’s a breeze.”

BREASTFEEDING FAQs
How can I tell if my twins are nursing effectively?
Most newborns breastfeed 10 to 12 times per 24-hour period. They nurse for 15 to 30 minutes at a feeding and swallow after every one or two sucks. A baby who is having difficulty getting enough to eat will not latch on properly may want to nurse inordinately long and will not swallow often.

How do I know if my babies are getting enough to eat?
After the first couple of days, they saturate six to eight diapers per day and have from three to five bowel movements. With multiples, it is helpful to keep notes on who nursed at which breast, for how long, and the number of wet and soiled diapers. An electronic scale helps your confidence. Once your milk and their weight gain are established, tracking the nursing schedules and diapers is not essential.

Why are my twins suddenly starving all day and night?
Growth spurts occur periodically; the first may come as early as 10 to 14 days after birth. The next one may surface around four to six weeks and another one around three months. Prop your feet up and nurse, nurse, nurse on demand. Your milk supply will quickly catch up with your twins’ needs. If, however, you respond with supplemental bottles, your milk supply may not increase to meet the rising demand.

Can I nurse my preemies in the NICU?
Babies develop the ability to swallow when they are 11 to 16 weeks in utero. The ability to suck follows a few weeks later. The ability to coordinate both actions and breathing comes later still. If your babies are very low birth weight, you may have to express your breast. Expect to pump for a total of 100 to 120 minutes a day. The NICU will watch for signs that your preemies are ready for nutritive sucking.

The post How to Succeed in Nursing Multiples appeared first on TWINS Magazine.

As an educator who is a mother of identical twin boys, it is important my fellow educators understand best practices for children who are multiples.  In my classroom, I have had one half of a twin set and both twins together.  My experience thus far as an educator and a parent of multiples has taught me when educators focus on twins as a “we” instead of an individual “me,” they are not providing an optimal learning environment for academic and social development.  I offer five tips to help parents advocate for their multiples.

1. Know your school’s multiples classroom placement policy.

Many schools have a policy, where multiples are placed in separate classrooms.  It is best to know your school’s policy at least one year before your child enrolls in elementary school.  If your twins have not had the opportunity to have separate experiences, you can use the year prior to formal schooling to prepare them for separation.  Our children’s elementary school allows the parents to choose whether multiples are in the same classroom or not.  If you have the choice, school staff may still suggest you should separate your twins.  You have spent the most time with them and will know what is best.  Our boys were in the same classroom for preschool during the first semester, but in separate classrooms at two different schools during the second semester.  When they begin kindergarten in August, they will be enrolled in separate classrooms at the same school.  Although, my husband and I knew our boys could remain together in kindergarten, we knew it made no sense to place them back together after a successful second semester being separated in preschool.

2. Help your twin understand their classroom experience.

Even if your twins are ready for separate classrooms, they may not understand how different each of their classes might be. In her book, Emotionally Healthy Twins:  A New Philosophy for Parenting Two Unique Children, Joan A. Friedman, Ph.D, shares this script, “Life isn’t always fair or equal.  And your life will always be different from your brother’s which is what makes each of you so special.” I have found this script helpful to explain to our boys why different experiences are okay.  This script is beneficial to also share with your children’s teachers.  It might not sink in the first few times or when emotions are blocking out logic, but we had a breakthrough after our boys were in separate classes.  Jeremiah was invited to a birthday party and my husband and I were worried about James’ potential response.  He put us at ease when he said, “Kids in my class have birthdays too and I’m sure I will be invited to a party one day.” It’s to your children’s benefit to learn how to cope with experiences that differs because it will help their emotional and social development.

3. Acknowledge, but don’t compare academic milestones.  

Each child should be praised for his or her accomplishments.  When one twin has a special need or struggles with an academic subject, it will impede the child’s progress if the child believes the bar is the success of his or her twin.  When scheduling parent/teacher conferences schedule one for each child and not for your twins as a unit.  Do not allow a twin to be present at its sibling’s conference.  One of our son’s has an anxiety diagnosis.  It is important his brother is not privy to conversations about him, so he does not feel as if he is being compared.

4. Teach your children to advocate for their own individuality.

Part of navigating school as a twin is learning to develop as an individual and being known by others for what makes you, you.  When other students refer to your twins as “the twins” or “hey twin” what is being acknowledged is the fact they are siblings who have the same birthdate.  They are seen as only a unit or part of a unit and not known for who they truly are.  We have taught our boys to kindly say, “My name is Jeremiah” or “My name is James” when children do not refer to them by their names.  If it becomes a significant issue, have a conversation with the teacher to explain your concerns.

5. Visit your twins at school.

Even if you have a great relationship with the teacher, it is beneficial to observe your children at school.  This is a way to learn how your child is coping at school and if there are any concerns to address.  Both my husband and I, individually, visited our sons at preschool.  When our sons were in the same class, there was an unhealthy dynamic.  One of our sons felt it was his responsibility to parent and look after his brother.  They were not interacting with other children unless the child would play with both of them at the same time.  This prompted us to separate our boys the second semester.  Although there was another preschool class at their current school, we decided another preschool would be a better placement for our son and it was.  Because his brother was not present, he had to make his own decisions.  We learned what his true interests were; he was truly a different child.

This is not an all-inclusive list, but I have found these five tips to be beneficial when advocating for your children.

The post Focus on Me not We: 5 Tips to Advocate for Your Children’s Education appeared first on TWINS Magazine.

Nothing was easy about Desiree Childress’s third pregnancy. Soon after she and her husband, Will, learned they were expecting identical twin boys, she experienced severe nausea. Having trouble holding anything down, she became dehydrated and IV lines for fluids were placed.

At about 18 weeks, preterm labor began and strict at-home bed rest prescribed. With two young daughters at home, Tiffany, 9, and Victoria, 5, Desiree found staying off her feet and reducing stress nearly impossible. Five weeks later, she was hospitalized.

Both nurses, Desiree and Will knew that these early complications and a twin pregnancy increased the likelihood of a premature delivery. Over 50% of multiples are born prematurely (before 37 weeks gestation), or weigh less than five and one-half pounds. Many preemie multiples require weeks of hospitalization and special medical attention.

By getting expert care in the hospital, Desiree hoped her babies would arrive close to term, but she also wanted to be prepared for the unexpected. David and Isaiah were born eight weeks early, each weighing a little over three pounds. “You really can’t prepare for the reality of delivering preemies, but knowing what to expect made it a little less overwhelming,” she says.

Julie Medas, a clinical neonatal nurse specialist at MetroHealth Medical Center in Cleveland, Ohio, agrees. She says that learning about the neonatal intensive care nursery (the NICU) and what a preemie looks like “won’t provide comfort, but it will give parents a sense of familiarity should their babies arrive early and need special care.”

Taking a Tour

Medas recommends that parents experiencing pregnancy complications ask for a tour of the NICU and visit a baby of comparable gestational age. “The perception is that seeing a preemie will overwhelm parents, but sometimes the imagination is far worse,” she says.

A neonatologist or a neonatal nurse can explain some of the medical equipment and common problems of preemies. Your hospital may also offer a video or booklet about the NICU. If information becomes stressful, cut your visit short and come back another day.

“The NICU can seem like a foreign land with an unfamiliar language,” says Medas. Take your time to absorb this new world, and don’t be afraid to ask questions. Some suggestions:

* What are visiting hours, and who can visit?
* Will my babies be placed near each other?
* How can I participate in my babies’ care?
* Does the NICU encourage skin-to-skin contact, music therapy, or infant massage?
* Are multiples co-bedded (placed in the same bed)?
* What resources are available to parents of premature babies and multiples?
* Is there a developmental program (occupational and physical therapy) for preemies?
* Is there a place for parents to spend the night?
* Is CPR training offered?

Researching Resources
On bed rest and with time on her hands, Desiree created a notebook of resources she’d need after the twins’ birth: “I made a list of dependable support systems, those who I could really count on like my church to provide meals and sitters my girls really liked.” She also included important names and phone numbers, such as her insurance provider and pediatrician, and she rented a pager so the NICU could reach her.

To find out what services and help you may need following your babies’ birth, talk with your hospital social worker or a nurse. Also, ask if there are any local preemie parent or mothers of multiples support groups: A parent of preemie multiples can offer first-hand advice. Mothers of Supertwins (631-859-1110) and The Triplet Connection (209-474-0885) offer programs and literature to support expectant mothers of multiples.

Desiree joined a mothers of multiples club in her third trimester. “At first, it was scary because all of the mothers of twins in the group had delivered prematurely,” she says, “but it also gave me hope to see that their children were okay, and they offered great support.”

Breastmilk Basics
When you’re coping with pregnancy complications and the risk of premature babies, thinking about breastfeeding can be daunting, to say the least. But learning about breast milk and how it can help your babies is something important you can do for your babies.

“Some doctors consider breast milk a medicine for preemies,” says Medas. Research shows breastmilk is less stressful on a preemie’s digestive system and kidneys, provides important antibodies that fight infection, and protects against allergies.

Babies who are born very small and very sick will not have the ability to breastfeed during their first days or weeks of life, but they can receive breast milk through a feeding tube placed in their nose or mouth. This means mothers have to pump and store their milk. A lactation consultant with knowledge of a preemie’s special needs can provide instruction. Ask your pediatrician, the hospital staff, or the La Leche League (800-525-3243) for a referral. Many NICUs have lending libraries that include breast-feeding books and videos, too.

“Even if you can’t or choose not to breastfeed, you can still provide your babies with the best nutrition possible,” says Medas. And it’s something only you, a mother, can do.

Preemie Parenthood
“I was prepared for the monitors and technology in the NICU, but it was still overwhelming to see those two tiny little babies,” says Desiree. “I couldn’t see their faces because of the wires and tape. I couldn’t hold them or feed them. I felt like I had really lost out.”

If your babies’ birth can’t be delayed and you become a parent of preemie multiples, like Desiree and Will, you’ll face many emotions: guilt, anger, sadness, and fear, to name a few. Having more than one baby adds to the stress: You may have two sets of medical complications to cope with, maybe even two sets of healthcare providers.

Making arrangements for help before your babies’ birth is a good idea (whether or not you delivery prematurely). You’ll need time to take care of yourself so that you’ll have the energy to take care of your babies and family.

After a difficult pregnancy, you’ll also need time to reflect on your losses. To help you cope with your feelings before and after delivery, consider starting a journal, or find someone who listens well (another parent, a social worker, a mental health expert, an Internet chat room (such as the TWINS Magazine Message Board), or a clergy member).

“Remember, feeling is healthy,” says Mara Stein, a Chicago clinical psychologist who delivered twin girls ten weeks early. “But if your feelings start getting in the way of your life, affecting your marriage or other relationships, or you find yourself constantly feeling sad, you may need professional help,” she says. Consult a trained therapist, such as a psychologist, psychiatrist, social worker, or family counselor.

“Becoming a parent of preemies is the hardest thing you’ll ever have to do,” says Desiree, whose twins are now eight months old. “But when I look at David and Isaiah and see them smile, I know it’s all been worth it.”

Amy E. Tracy is the author of The Pregnancy Bed Rest Book (Berkley Trade, 2001), and the co-author of Your Premature Baby and Child (Berkley Trade, 1999). Visit her Web site at www.pregnancybedrest.com.

Who’s Who in the NICU

Neonatologist: a doctor who is specially trained in the care of premature and sick babies
Registered Nurse: has graduated from an accredited school of nursing; these nurses provide much of the daily care of preemies.

Neonatal Nurse Practitioner: a registered nurse who has advanced training in neonatal care.

Clinical Neonatal Nurse Specialist: a registered nurse who has additional neonatal training in patient and nurse education.

Social Worker: can provide information on nonmedical care, such as insurance coverage, emotional support, and transportation.

Respiratory Therapist: a specialist who provides the respiratory needs of ill babies.

Developmental Therapists: help enhance a baby’s physical development.

Medical Specialists: doctors with further specialized training in such areas as the eyes, heart, lungs, and brain.

NICU Baby Books
NICU Notebook: A Parent’s Journal
Available from:
Mothers of Supertwins
PO Box 951
Brentwood, NY 11717
www.mostonline.org
877-434-MOST (6678)

The post Expecting the Unexpected: Preparing for an Early Delivery appeared first on TWINS Magazine.

Many twins unsuspectingly have limited access to their inner life because of the expectable emotional disruption triggered by growing up alongside a same-age sibling. Until there is a developmental change or environmental shift, many twins are oblivious about having missed out on the opportunity or freedom to acknowledge their “gut” feelings. Many twin pairs maintain their compatibility by accommodating to the needs of the other. So, if one twin has grown up recognizing that an emotional equilibrium is best managed by allowing his twin to be in control, it is plausible to deduce that the compromising twin feels stymied in connecting with his inner self.

If one twin commandeers the twinship, the other might struggle to have faith in himself as well as in his sense of reality. Feeling self-assured about trusting one’s instincts helps to build self-confidence and assertiveness. It facilitates a capacity to believe in himself and in his ability to follow through with his convictions. At the same time, it allows for resilience that can help cushion inevitable failures and rejection. Sadly, an overly compliant twin who exists on high alert to keep his twin content will not experience these feelings. It may be that this secondary position contributes to his feeling devalued and unimportant.

A creative young man in his mid-twenties, whom I will call Barney, has come to recognize recently that his twin brother demanded both nonverbally and verbally that he conform to his twin’s expectations and demands. Barney was not resentful about this arrangement because his twin bond was integral to his sense of self. He had not realized how much his compliance contributed to his enormous self-doubts, oversensitivity, and lack of self-esteem. Now that he can appreciate the consequences of this situation, he is working hard to discover his intrinsic voice and trust his instincts. He feels liberated from the constraints and limitations that he has placed upon himself. He delights in experimenting with his newfound talents to expand his creativity and essence.

The post The Importance of Forming Your Own Identity As A Twin appeared first on TWINS Magazine.