research Archives — TWINS Magazine https://twinsmagazine.com/tag/research/ The Premier Publication for Multiples Since 1984 Sun, 03 Nov 2024 20:16:08 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.8.2 https://twinsmagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/cropped-Heart-2022-600x600-1-32x32.png research Archives — TWINS Magazine https://twinsmagazine.com/tag/research/ 32 32 The Best Car Seats for Twins https://twinsmagazine.com/the-best-car-seats-for-twins/ https://twinsmagazine.com/the-best-car-seats-for-twins/#respond Wed, 21 Sep 2022 00:31:00 +0000 https://staging2.twinsmagazine.com/?p=922101 Finding the best car seats for twins is an important and daunting task. These car seats are our personal recommendations. Why These are the Best Car Seats for Twins Buying safe, durable, and easy to install car seats are every parents desire, but the research process can be very overwhelming. As parents of twins, we […]

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Finding the best car seats for twins is an important and daunting task. These car seats are our personal recommendations.

Why These are the Best Car Seats for Twins

Buying safe, durable, and easy to install car seats are every parents desire, but the research process can be very overwhelming.

As parents of twins, we know first-hand how challenging it all can be. Therefore, we have done all the research for you!

We’ve narrowed it down to the very best, while providing you with a few competitive choices.

All of our recommendations for the best car sets for twins met our stringent standards:

  • Have Excellent Safety Ratings
  • Received Excellent Ratings and Recommendations from Actual Consumers
  • Are Affordable
  • Can Be Quickly Purchased Online from Our Site

The Best Newborn Infant Car Seats for Twins

We recommend you purchase a car seat that can be separated from its base, while keeping you newborn nestled in the car seat. When infants are extremely young, they spend most of their time sleeping. These car seats will allow you to easily transport you sleeping twins.

We also recommend you buy a Baby Trend Universal Double Snap-N-Go Stroller Frame. This will be the first stroller you use. It is lightweight and compatible with the infant car seats.

Here’s a comparison of the different Graco SnugRide Infant Car Seats:

Graco SnugRide Infant Car Seats Compared in Chart

All use the InRight latch system. It is a game changer!

They have made a one-second connection with the base with its 4-position recline and an easy-to-read level indicator bubble that helps eliminate installation guesswork.

While both of our recommendations are about 2lbs heavier than the other SnugRides, they are the best infant car seats Graco has yet to design.

1. Graco SnugRide SnugLock 35 LX Featuring TrueShield TechnologyGraco SnugRide Infant Car Seat

Not Pictured in Above Table

Weight Recommendation: 4lbs to 35lbs

Colors: 1 Color Available

Lowest Price: Amazon.com

Price: $126.97

Amazon Rating:

 

 

 

 

Below, we have outlined the pros and cons of this product:

Pros:

★ Advantage over Other Convertible Car Seats in Above Table– TrueShield Technology helps keep you infant safe by providing advanced protection from head to hips in the event of a side impact.

Adjust handle with one hand, leaving your other hand free– With twins, this is an even more helpful feature.

★ Silent Shade canopy easily and quietly adjusts without disturbing baby– Never wake a sleeping baby.

★ InRight LATCH system for a one-second LATCH attachment– Both of our recommendations have this feature. It is a big upgrade from their previous hook system.

★ 4-position adjustable base lets you customize fit to you vehicle– This ensures that the baby will be in the safest position for breathing, no matter the depths of you seats.

★ Easy-to-read level indicator helps eliminate installation guesswork– You will know for certain that the car seat is level, without having to simply guess.

Fits into Our Recommended Baby Trend Snap-n-Go Stroller– We recommend every new parent of twins use a Baby Trend Universal Double Snap-N-Go Stroller Frame for you first stroller. These car sets fit perfectly into the frame.

Cons:

  • Disadvantage over Other Convertible Car Seats in Above Table– A bit heavier than the others.
  • Requires a bit of Force to Secure into Base– The car seat securely snaps into the base, but it does require a small bit of doing to snap it in.

2. Graco SnugRide SnugLock 35 Elite Infant Car Seat

* Pictured Second From Left in Above Table*

Weight Recommendation: 4lbs to 35lbs

Colors: 3 Colors Available

Lowest Price: Amazon.com

Price: $149.98- $188.99

Amazon Rating:

 

 

 

 

 

Below, we have outlined the pros and cons of this product:

Pros:

Advantage over Other Convertible Car Seats in Above Table– The InRight Latch System! Install is super simple.

Quick and Easy to Install– SnugLock Technology features a hassle-free 3-step installation rear-facing car seat helps protect infants from 4 to 35 lb and up to 32″ quick and easy clean up with the Rapid Remove cover.

Safest Infant Car Seat– Simply Safe Adjust Harness System adjusts headrest and harness together to prevent rethreading Safety Core absorbs frontal crash forces:

  • Side Impact Tested*
  • New Car Assessment Program (NCAP) – peak crash force approximately 2X Car Seat Standard.
  • Extreme Car Interior Temperatures.

*In addition to meeting or exceeding all applicable US safety standards, the Graco SnugRide SnugLock 35 Elite Infant Car Seat has been side impact tested for occupant retention by the harness system.

Reclining Base Allows for Great Rest– Adjustable base with 4 recline positions and easy-to-read bubble level indicator InRight LATCH system for a one-second LATCH attachment.

Rotating Canopy– Window and visor provides shade and sun protection for baby removable newborn head and body support cushions baby.

Fits into Our Recommended Baby Trend Snap-n-Go Stroller– We recommend every new parent of twins use a Baby Trend Universal Double Snap-N-Go Stroller Frame for you first stroller. These car sets fit perfectly into the frame.

Cons:

  • Disadvantage over Other Convertible Car Seats in Above Table– Can only be used up to 65lbs.
  • Requires Force to Secure into Base– The car seat securely snaps into the base, but it does require a bit of strength to snap it in.

The Complete 4 Car Seats in 1 for Twins

If you are looking for ONE car seat that you can use from birth until you twins no longer require a booster seat, this is the best option:

3. Graco 4Ever 4-in-1 Convertible Car SeatGraco 4-in-1 Convertible Car Set for Twins

Recommended Weight: 4lbs to 120lbs

Colors: 11 Colors to Choose From

Lowest Price: Amazon.com

Price: $239.99- $339.99

Amazon Rating:

 

Below, we have outlined the pros and cons of this product:

Pros:

The Only Car Seat You Will Ever Need– This 4-in-1 Convertible Car Seat gives you 10 years of use from 4lbs to 120 pounds. It can be used as a rear-facing baby car seat from 4lbs to 40 lbs. It can then be used forward-facing for your toddlers car seat from 20 to 65 lbs.

The Safest Available– Graco has been a trusted brand for over 100 years. Of all of Graco’s car seats, this is among the very safest. The patented Simply Safe Adjust Harness System is safe and simple to use.

Becomes a Booster Seat– High back belt-positioning mode from 30lbs to 100 lbs and backless belt-positioning mode from 40lbs to 120 lbs.

Quick and Easy to Secure in Your Vehicle– InRight LATCH system for an easy, 1-second LATCH attachment

★ Machine-washable Seat Cushions–The metal and plastic parts may be cleaned with mild soap and cool water and the buckle may be cleaned with a damp cloth and the harness straps may be spot cleaned.

Cons:

  • Headrest Rattles– Some complain the headrest rattles and must be tightened.

The Best Convertible Car Seats for Twins

We believe these are the safest, most durable and most versatile car seats. Each of these has advantages over others. We will help you determine which of these is best for you twins.

Once you twins outgrow their infant car seats, these car seats will change to adjust to the needs of you growing kids.

4. Graco Extend2Fit Convertible Car Seat

Recommended Weight: 5lbs to 65lbs

Colors: 8 Options

Lowest Price: Amazon.com

Price: $134.28- $225.61

Amazon Rating:

 

 

 

 

 

Below, we have outlined the pros and cons of this product:

Pros:

Advantage over Other Convertible Car Seats in Above Table– A bit less expensive than others

★ Helps protect rear-facing infants from 4-50 lbs and forward-facing toddlers from 22-65 lbs.

★ 4-position extension panel adjusts to provide 5″ additional leg room allowing you child to ride safely rear-facing longer; Up to 50 pounds rear-facing allowing you child to ride safely rear-facing for longer.

★ 6-position recline helps keep you child comfy.

★ 10-position headrest adjusts easily for you growing child.

★ Simply Safe Adjust Harness System adjusts the height of the harness and headrest in one motion.

★ InRight LATCH system for an easy, one-second LATCH attachment; easy-to-read level indicator for hassle-free installation.

★ Engineered & rigorously crash tested to meet or exceed US Standard FMVSS 213; Extend2Fit convertible car seat has been side-impact tested for occupant retention solely with the built-in 5-point harness system.

Cons:

  • Disadvantage over Other Convertible Car Seats in Above Table– Can only be used up to 65lbs.

5. Graco SlimFit All-in-One Convertible Car Seat 

Recommended Weight: 5lbs to 100lbs

Colors: 2 Options

Lowest Price: Amazon.com

Price: $181.83- $195.49

Amazon Rating:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Below, we have outlined the pros and cons of this product:

Pros:

Advantage over Other Convertible Car Seats in Above Table– The best choice for smaller cars. This car seat is narrower than the others and is perfect for small backseats.

★ All-in-One seat grows with you child from 5-100 lb, rear- to forward-facing and becomes a belt-positioning booster; save space in your back seat with unique rotating cup holders

★ Simply Safe Adjust Harness System adjusts the height of the harness and headrest; integrated harness storage compartment holds unused harness straps while the seat is a belt positioning booster

★ Engineered & crash tested to meet or exceed US standard FMVSS 213; the SlimFit car seat has been side impact tested for occupant retention solely with the built-in 5-point harness system; features EPS foam

★ InRight LATCH system for an easy, one-second LATCH attachment; 4-position recline helps keep you growing child comfy, in rear and forward-facing modes

★ Plush supports keep you child comfortable and are removable; washable seat cover is easy to access without removing the harness

★ Steel-reinforced frame provides strength and durability

Cons:

  • Disadvantage over Other Convertible Car Seats in Above Table– A bit less cushion compared to the other ones.

6. Graco Size4Me 65 Convertible Car Seat Featuring RapidRemove

Recommended Weight: 4lbs to 65lbs

Colors: 4 Options

Lowest Price: Amazon.com

Price: $154.99- $179.99

Amazon Rating:

 

 

 

 

 

Below, we have outlined the pros and cons of this product:

Pros:

Advantage over Other Convertible Car Seats in Above Table– The RapidRemove cover is awesome! While with other car seats, you have to physically take it apart to remove the cover from it, the RapidRemove cover comes off in less than a minute! No need to uninstall it.

★ Designed to help protect you rear-facing infant from 4-40 lbs. and you forward-facing toddler from 22-65 lbs.

★ Simply Safe Adjust Harness System adjusts the height of you harness and headrest to 8 positions, in one motion, to ensure that you child is always properly secured

★ Side-impact tested-in addition to meeting or exceeding all applicable U.S. safety standards, the Size4Me car seat has been side-impact tested for occupant retention solely with the built-in 5 point harness system Machine-washable

★ In Right LATCH system for an easy, one-second LATCH attachment.

Cons:

  • Disadvantage over Other Convertible Car Seats in Above Table– Only goes up to 65lbs.

The Best Car Seat for Special Needs Twins

7. Graco 4Ever Extend2Fit All in One Convertible Car Seat

Recommended Weight: 4lbs to 120lbs

Colors: 5 Options

Lowest Price: Amazon.com

Price: $209.99- $349.99

Amazon Rating:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Below, we have outlined the pros and cons of this product:

Pros:

Advantage over Other Convertible Car Seats in Above Table– Can use for up to 120lbs. It is the Ideal car seat for special needs kids who may need to remain in a car seat longer.

★ 4-in-1 seat grows with you child, so you can enjoy 10 years of use, from 4 to 120 lb

★ Extend2Fit 4-position extension panel provides 5″ additional leg room

★ Up to 50 lb rear-facing allowing you child to safely ride rear-facing longer plush inserts keep you child comfortable washable seat cover is easy to remove without removing the harness

★ Simply Safe Adjust Harness System headrest and Harness adjust together one-hand, 10-position adjustable headrest easily adapts for you growing child

★ In Right LATCH system for an easy, one-second LATCH attachment integrated belt lock-off for easy vehicle seat belt installation easy-to-read level indicator helps eliminate rear-facing installation guesswork

★ 2 integrated cup holders keeps you child’s drinks or snacks close at hand integrated harness storage compartment holds unused harness straps while in the belt positioning booster mode

★ Steel-reinforced frame provides strength and durability. Integrated harness storage compartment holds unused harness straps while in the belt positioning booster mode

Cons:

  • Disadvantage over Other Convertible Car Seats in Above Table– This car seat is a bit more expensive than our other recommendations

In summary, there are two types of car seats you will need for your twins. The first car seat will be used for your newborn twins. It will include a base that remains in your car and a removable carrier. The removable carrier will allow you to transport your twins without waking them up.

The second type of car seat will be a convertible car seat. Some of the recommendations above will convert into a booster seat when your children no longer need the restraint portion.

One of the recommendations we have included will even allow you to use the car seat with a child up to 120 pounds. This would be our suggestion for children with special needs who will need to remain in a car seat longer.

 

 

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Have you heard of these rare and unique twin types? https://twinsmagazine.com/have-you-heard-of-these-rare-and-unique-twin-types/ https://twinsmagazine.com/have-you-heard-of-these-rare-and-unique-twin-types/#comments Fri, 17 Dec 2021 00:44:00 +0000 http://copywriterweekly.com/?p=548 When it comes to twins, you probably think of either Dizygotic (fraternal) twins that result when two eggs are fertilized or Monozygotic (identical) twins that come from a single fertilized egg that splits. But did you know there are other rare and unique types of twins? Check out our run-down of these unique twin types […]

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When it comes to twins, you probably think of either Dizygotic (fraternal) twins that result when two eggs are fertilized or Monozygotic (identical) twins that come from a single fertilized egg that splits. But did you know there are other rare and unique types of twins? Check out our run-down of these unique twin types that are pretty unusual and rare in our twin world.

Polar Body Twins or “Half Identical”

What happens when the egg splits and then each half meets a sperm? That’s what scientists and researchers propose happens when a polar body or “half-identical” twins form. These twins are very much alike but aren’t a 100% DNA match — sharing about 75% of their genetic DNA. (Less than identical twins but more than fraternal twins.) To date, polar body twinning remains a theory. Believe it or not, there are no definitive tests to confirm whether you are carrying polar body twins even though there have been confirmed cases.

Semi-Identical Twins

This unique twin type identifies as identical on the mother’s side but shares only half their father’s genes! Semi-identical twins develop when two sperm fertilize a single egg, forming a triploid, which then splits. In 2007, the Journal of Human Genetics described a case where one hermaphrodite twin (someone born with a discrepancy between their internal genitalia and external genitalia) was raised as a female, with both testicular and ovarian structures, while the other was anatomically male.

Boy/Girl Monozygotic (Identical) Twins

Did you know identical twins are almost always the same gender because they form from a single zygote containing male (XY) or female (XX) sex chromosomes? However, there are a few reported cases of a genetic mutation in some male twins where one twin loses a Y chromosome and develops as a female. The female twin would then be afflicted with Turner’s Syndrome, a genetic disorder in girls caused by a missing or defective X (female) chromosome. It occurs in 1 of 2,000-2,500 live female births. There are many different features associated with the syndrome, and not all girls have all symptoms. Still, typically they are short in stature and lack ovarian development, have hearing disorders, abnormal fingernails, toenails, and drooping eyelids (Ptosis). The only other time gender differences would occur in identical twins would be if one twin experienced a gender transition process.

Mirror Image Twins

Mirror image twins make up around 25% of identical twins. This unique twin type occurs when the fertilized egg splits late – more than a week after conception. This type of twins can develop reverse asymmetric physical features, such as birthmarks or swirling hair whorls on opposite sides of their bodies. So, when these types of twins face each other, they appear to be exact reflections (like looking in a mirror).

Superfetation: Twins Conceived Separately

Typically, when a woman’s egg is fertilized, her cycle is interrupted, and her ovulation ceases. Rarely, an egg can be released while she is already pregnant, resulting in twins that are conceived at different times! This happens when eggs from two separate menstrual cycles are released as opposed to normal fraternal (Dizygotic) twins, where multiple ova are expelled in a single cycle. This is a rare occurrence in humans but is common in animals and usually results in twins or higher-order multiple pregnancies where the fetuses show noticeable differences in gestational development. Sounds crazy, but this Arkansas mom was pregnant with two babies conceived about two and a half weeks apart.

Heteropaternal Superfecundation: Twins with Different Fathers

Yes, you read that right. Twins with different fathers are possible. Sure, the definition for twins clearly states, “Twins are two babies who are simultaneously born from one mother.” But what about the dad? We know that when a woman releases multiple eggs in a single cycle, known as hyper-ovulation, it results in fraternal twins. However, superfecundation happens when the eggs are fertilized by sperm from separate incidences of sexual intercourse. In a nutshell: A woman with multiple sexual partners could have twins with different fathers (heteropaternal superfecundation). Genetic testing and advances in technology have made it evident that twins with two fathers only apply to fraternal twins, not identical twins. This situation can also occur when twins are the result of fertility treatments. This happened in 1995 with a pair of IVF Dutch twins. There was a mix-up in the lab when a piece of lab equipment had been accidentally used twice, causing another man’s sperm to be mixed in with the father’s and fertilized with the mother’s sperm. The result: two babies of different races.

Twins of Different Races: So rare that the odds against this are a million to one!

As mentioned above, heteropaternal superfecundation explains cases of fraternal twins with differing racial characteristics. The case above was due to a lab mix-up during an IVF procedure. However, in the United Kingdom back in 2005 and described as a “one in a million” occurrence, fraternal twin girls were conceived from two bi-racial parents. Each inherited different genetic characteristics from their mixed-race parents. (Essentially, one was white, and the other was black.) For this rare occurrence to take place, there must be a combination of circumstances starting at the exact moment of conception. This phenomenon can occur when both parents are of mixed race; each is conceived from a separate egg fertilized by a separate sperm (fraternal); and each sperm and egg must carry the genes for particular skin color (i.e., black/black or white/white).

Conjoined Twins

In short, conjoined twins are identical twins that do not fully separate from each other due to the incomplete division of the fertilized egg. The individuals will be connected to specific body parts and may share tissue, organs, or limbs. As the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia states, “Conjoined twins occur once in every 50,000 to 60,000 births.”

Parasitic Twins

Parasitic twins are conjoined twins that develop asymmetrically, with a smaller, less formed twin dependent on the stronger, larger twin. In Cairo, Egypt, back in 2005, a case of parasitic twins gained worldwide notoriety and even featured on The Oprah Show. Manar Maged was born with a second head attached to the skull of her own. While the head could blink and smile, it was not capable of independent life. The weight of the appendage would prevent Manar from crawling or sitting upright, prompting surgeons to remove it when she was ten months old. On February 19, 2005, doctors performed a thirteen-hour surgery to remove the attached head. The girl was released from intensive care in March 2005. Unfortunately, she passed away from a brain infection shortly before her second birthday on March 25, 2006. A variation of parasitic twinning is called “the fetus in fetu.” This occurs when an abnormally formed mass of cells grows inside the body of its identical twin. These cells survive during pregnancy and even occasionally after birth by tapping directly into the host twin’s blood supply.

Curious to find out more? Check out this report on a man who discovered a fetus in fetu as an adult.

The bottom line

Although most of us are familiar with fraternal and identical twins, many aren’t aware of the other unique twin types out there. After reading about these rare and unique twin types, you may have discovered a whole range of unique twin combinations that you may not have known were possible. But one fact remains true, regardless of what type of twin you are or have, the birth of twins is a miracle indeed.

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Top 6 Tips for Encouraging Individuality with Your Twins https://twinsmagazine.com/top-6-tips-for-encouraging-individuality-with-your-twins/ https://twinsmagazine.com/top-6-tips-for-encouraging-individuality-with-your-twins/#comments Thu, 16 Dec 2021 20:14:00 +0000 http://copywriterweekly.com/?p=563 By Dara Lovitz, Esq. Try your best to imagine experiencing almost every moment in life with another person who is the same age, has the same number of siblings and parents, has the same last name, lives in your house, goes to the same school, has the same teacher, and goes through life on the […]

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By Dara Lovitz, Esq.

Try your best to imagine experiencing almost every moment in life with another person who is the same age, has the same number of siblings and parents, has the same last name, lives in your house, goes to the same school, has the same teacher, and goes through life on the same waking, eating, playing, bathing, and sleeping schedule as you. That is how many twins go through their early years of life. 

The individuation process that every young child experiences is complicated for twins – they not only have to learn to separate from their parents, they also have to learn to separate from their twin sibling, to whom they are so deeply connected from birth. Parents can impede the process by raising them into existence as a pair of children instead of as two single children. Research suggests that twins who were treated as a solitary unit by their parents had more difficulty forming their individual identities than twins who were treated more distinctly.

It could be argued that parents of twins generally have a more challenging early parenting experience than parents of singletons. There are countless considerations a parent of twins has to make that her parenting peers who have singleton children never face, like spoon-feeding two hungry babies at the same time, maneuvering a double stroller through the super-market, or (brace yourself) having to choose which child’s college graduation to attend when both twins’ college graduations occur on the same weekend in different cities.

So what could a parent of twins possibly learn from a parent of singletons? At least one very important thing: how to raise a singleton — well, at least how to make our twin children’s experiences more like that of their singleton peers.

Yes, by making some easy adjustments, we parents can help our twin children feel more like unique individuals and less like a mere half of a pair.

In that spirit, I compiled these top 6 tips for encouraging individuality.

 

1)  RETHINK THE RHYMES

Let’s face it: it’s cute and it’s fun to name your twin children Will and Jill or to use alliteration and call them Beverly and Bella. When we do this, however, we reinforce the notion that they are each part of a set as opposed to two separate individuals. If you have already chosen such names, perhaps you can give at least one of them a nickname –a nickname that doesn’t rhyme with the other child’s name, for heaven’s sake!  Related side note: always refer to your children by their names rather than referring to them as “the twins.” And take the time to encourage relatives and friends to respect and follow your lead here.  The rule is important whether your children are within earshot or not. It’s critical that you and other essential people in their lives develop the habit of talking about them and thinking of them as individuals.

 

2)  DRESS THEM DIFFERENTLY

Again, the cuteness factor reigns here: who doesn’t love the attention one receives when she’s walking her twins down the street and they are wearing the same exact outfit, down to the color and brand of shoe? It’s undeniably adorable to see little twins dressed alike. Still, by doing so, you are unintentionally sending the message to them and the world that they are simply two peas in a pod. Two perfectly identical peas in a pod. But your children are not uniform vegetables; they are exceptional animate beings with distinguishing personalities and traits. If you simply cannot resist putting them in the same outfit for a photo, allow yourself some slack and take the darn photo. But most of your photos should instead help to celebrate them as the extraordinary individuals that they are.  When your twins are old enough, encourage them to pick out their own clothes. They may choose to match each other at times, but believe me, there will be times when they want to look nothing like one another.

 

3)  DON’T FORCE THEM TO SHARE

When we were little, we were taught to share. So when our kids are young, we instinctively tell them they have to share. Sharing is an important skill that young children must develop in order to succeed socially.

BUT, your twins will be asked to share exponentially more times than the average singleton child for the simple reason that twins generally have more opportunities to share by virtue of playing in the same room together for most of their waking hours. And even though one of your twin children will almost always be playing with her twin sibling, she shouldn’t always be forced to share. In fact, she should have things that are hers and hers alone — things over which she can rightfully assert jurisdiction. Having one’s own things is essential to helping a child develop her sense of self, which is critical for a child who is a twin.

If it’s possible financially and logistically to put the twin children in separate rooms, do so to allow each of them to claim her own space. If two separate rooms are not available, try to give each child her own space in the twins’ shared room (or in another room). Allow the child to decorate and organize the space as she wishes and support her efforts to ‘protect’ the space from unwanted intrusion by siblings.

 

4)  (REALLY) LEARN WHO EACH ONE IS

Relate to, and converse with, your children individually. When your twin children are young, ask them questions about what they like and don’t like so that you can learn early on what makes each child tick. Learn (and don’t forget!) which child likes which food and which colors and which songs. When you’re alone with one of your children, tell him what you’ve observed about him – tell him which wonderful and distinct attributes about him make you the most proud.

 

5)  MAKE TIME FOR ONE-ON-ONE INTERACTION

In order to really discover each child, you will need alone time with her during which she can feel comfortable to confide in you, without commentary or judgment from another family member. Engaging in separate activities with each child will further help bond you to each child as well as help the child feel special and unique. 

Many adult twins will tell you that they cannot recall sitting down for one meal with a parent without their twin sibling present. Take your young twin child to her favorite restaurant alone, just the two of you. You’ll be amazed at how happy this will make her — and you’ll be amazed at how much she’ll open up and share!

It’s also important for others in your twins’ lives to have one-on-one time. If there are other non-twin children in the family, coordinate times for each twin to have separate time with the non-twin sibling(s). If you can arrange for your twins to have alone-time with grandparents, aunts, cousins, etc., all the better! This will help your relatives discover what’s particular and enchanting about each child and this will help your twin children feel more like individuals. And don’t forget to schedule different play dates for your children with different friends. It makes sense that two different kids might get along (or not get along) with different peers, right?

 

6)  BIRTHDAY PARTIES SHOULD BE TAILORED FOR EACH TWIN         

It’s conceivable that a twin child might feel shortchanged by having to share his birthday party every year. Discuss having separate birthday parties with each child in private. If one child wishes to celebrate separately, honor that wish and consider representing the decision for separate birthday parties as one you alone have made. 

If you are welcoming birthday gifts for your twin children, gently guide relatives and friends as to the differing gift wish lists of each child. If your children are given identical gifts, separate your children or have them sit back-to-back when opening them. This way, each child can experience the joy and surprise of discovering the new gift without having it ruined by witnessing his twin sibling’s reaction upon unwrapping. 

If your twins decide to share their birthday party, there are simple ways to make your twins’ birthday feel more special for each child: make a personalized toast to each child; bake (or buy) two separate cakes (with each child’s respective favorite flavors and decorations); and sing “Happy Birthday” twice.

Whether it’s a celebration of the magical day your twins were born or a weekend full of errands and play dates, always consider that there are two children involved – two children with very distinctive needs and desires. In fact, in any situation, you may want to ask yourself, what would a parent of a singleton do…?

 

Dara Lovitz, Esq., lives in Bala Cynwyd, Pennsylvania, and is the mother of two very different twin toddlers. She is the author of the popular children’s book, Catching Falling Cradles: A Gentle Approach to Classic Rhymes, and is working on her next book:  an advice guide for parents of twins.

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7 Tips on Recovering from a C-Section https://twinsmagazine.com/tips-on-recovering-from-a-c-section/ https://twinsmagazine.com/tips-on-recovering-from-a-c-section/#respond Thu, 16 Dec 2021 17:09:00 +0000 http://copywriterweekly.com/?p=509 Let’s face it moms, from the moment we discover we are pregnant, we have this idea in our heads of how wonderful having a natural birth will be with no drugs, maybe even at home submerged in your own bathtub, and creating the most beautiful and perfect environment to bring this amazing new life into […]

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Let’s face it moms, from the moment we discover we are pregnant, we have this idea in our heads of how wonderful having a natural birth will be with no drugs, maybe even at home submerged in your own bathtub, and creating the most beautiful and perfect environment to bring this amazing new life into the world.

Now, fast forward to the moment you find out you are expecting twins (or more), and that idealistic vision you had just created for you and your one baby has now suddenly changed. Now you are facing the real possibility that you may have to forget about all your home-birth plans and you may even be told you will have to have a cesarean or C-section delivery.

Having twins can definitely take its toll on your body and then add this to having a C-section surgery, and you will soon discover that it may be more challenging and take longer to recover than you initially thought! Here are some tips to help you speed up your recovery process so you can spend less time sore and tired, and more time bonding with your new twin babies:

1. Walk, walk, walk

You will be encouraged to get out of bed at least a couple of times the day after your surgery – or even on the day of surgery – to walk. Don’t try getting up by yourself. The nurse should be at your side the first few times you do get up and walk. In the meantime, get the blood going in your legs by wiggling your feet, rotating your ankles, and moving and stretching your legs.

Personally, I have had three C-section deliveries and I can remember that even walking to the bathroom seemed almost impossible at first, but moving around is important for your recovery, so you need to push through so you will be ready to take on caring for infant twins. It will also help your circulation and make it much less likely that you develop blood clots. What’s more is that it will make your bowels less sluggish, which will help you feel a whole lot more comfortable a lot sooner. For these reasons, you’ll be encouraged to walk each day. Try to take your walks a short time after you’ve taken pain medication – when you’re likely to feel more comfortable.

2. Get plenty of rest

A C-section is major surgery. Just like with any other surgery, your body needs time to heal afterward. Expect to stay in the hospital for three to four days after your delivery (longer if there are complications), and give your body up to six weeks to fully heal. This is where you need to enlist lots of family and friends to help you with chores and laundry when you and your babies come home. I am sure you have already heard people say, “Rest when your babies rest!” This is so important, especially if you are recovering from surgery. The household “to-do’s” can wait, and even taking just a few moments to rest throughout the day can be extremely helpful for you and your postpartum body.

3. Manage your pain

Ask your doctor what pain medicines you can take, especially if you’re breastfeeding. Depending on the level of your discomfort, the doctor might prescribe a pain reliever or advise you to take an over-the-counter NSAID (Advil, Motrin) or acetaminophen (Tylenol). In addition to pain medicine, you can use a heating pad to relieve discomfort at the surgical site. In any case, don’t be shy about asking your nurse for more medication if you’re uncomfortable. You don’t need to suffer in silence, and the longer you wait to ask for the medication you need, the harder it will be to manage your pain.

4. Listen to your body

Be sure to take extra care getting around while you heal, so avoid going up and down the stairs as much as possible. A good idea is to keep everything you need close by, such as diaper changing supplies close to you so that you don’t have to get up too often. It’s also important not to lift anything heavier than your babies and certainly do not try to hold both of them in their car seats at one time, until you feel stronger, because you do not want to risk tearing your incision. Ask for help as much as possible and whenever you have to sneeze or cough, hold your abdomen to protect the incision site. It could take up to eight weeks for you to get back into your normal routine. Ask your doctor when it’s okay to exercise, go back to work, and drive. Also, wait to have sex or use tampons until your doctor gives you the green light.

5. Wear loose-fitting clothing and underwear

You’ll want to avoid putting too much pressure on your healing scar, so it’s best to either wear underwear a size bigger or you can buy special knickers that fit over the area to make it more comfortable while you are healing.

6. Beware of a good laugh

Laughing normally feels good, but not necessarily post a C-section. You can be more comfortable when laughing, coughing, and even pooping if you hold a pillow to your abdomen. This will help your core muscles from aching. Anything that puts pressure on the abdominal area will probably be painful at first, but you’ll feel a bit better day by day. Be sure to use your hands or a pillow to support your incision when you cough, sneeze, or laugh.

7. When to call the doctor

You’ll probably feel some soreness in the incision and you may have bleeding or discharge for up to six weeks after the C-section. That’s normal. But the following symptoms warrant a call to your doctor because they could signal an infection:

  • redness, swelling, or pus oozing from the incision site
  • pain around the site
  • fever of more than 100.4 degrees Fahrenheit
  • bad-smelling discharge from the vagina
  • heavy vaginal bleeding
  • redness or swelling in your leg
  • difficulty with breathing
  • chest pain
  • pain in your breasts

Also call your doctor if you feel sad and your mood never seems to lift, especially if you have thoughts of hurting your babies. Finally, if you have a friend or sibling who went through a C-section, try not to compare yourself to her. Every woman’s experience with this surgery is different. Focus on your own healing right now and give your body the time it needs to get back to normal.

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Expecting the Unexpected: Preparing for an Early Delivery https://twinsmagazine.com/expecting-the-unexpected-preparing-for-an-early-delivery/ https://twinsmagazine.com/expecting-the-unexpected-preparing-for-an-early-delivery/#comments Thu, 16 Dec 2021 15:10:00 +0000 http://copywriterweekly.com/?p=462 by Amy E. Tracy Nothing was easy about Desiree Childress’s third pregnancy. Soon after she and her husband, Will, learned they were expecting identical twin boys, she experienced severe nausea. Having trouble holding anything down, she became dehydrated and IV lines for fluids were placed. At about 18 weeks, preterm labor began and strict at-home […]

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by Amy E. Tracy

Nothing was easy about Desiree Childress’s third pregnancy. Soon after she and her husband, Will, learned they were expecting identical twin boys, she experienced severe nausea. Having trouble holding anything down, she became dehydrated and IV lines for fluids were placed.

At about 18 weeks, preterm labor began and strict at-home bed rest prescribed. With two young daughters at home, Tiffany, 9, and Victoria, 5, Desiree found staying off her feet and reducing stress nearly impossible. Five weeks later, she was hospitalized.

Both nurses, Desiree and Will knew that these early complications and a twin pregnancy increased the likelihood of a premature delivery. Over 50% of multiples are born prematurely (before 37 weeks gestation), or weigh less than five and one-half pounds. Many preemie multiples require weeks of hospitalization and special medical attention.

By getting expert care in the hospital, Desiree hoped her babies would arrive close to term, but she also wanted to be prepared for the unexpected. David and Isaiah were born eight weeks early, each weighing a little over three pounds. “You really can’t prepare for the reality of delivering preemies, but knowing what to expect made it a little less overwhelming,” she says.

Julie Medas, a clinical neonatal nurse specialist at MetroHealth Medical Center in Cleveland, Ohio, agrees. She says that learning about the neonatal intensive care nursery (the NICU) and what a preemie looks like “won’t provide comfort, but it will give parents a sense of familiarity should their babies arrive early and need special care.”

Taking a Tour

Medas recommends that parents experiencing pregnancy complications ask for a tour of the NICU and visit a baby of comparable gestational age. “The perception is that seeing a preemie will overwhelm parents, but sometimes the imagination is far worse,” she says.

A neonatologist or a neonatal nurse can explain some of the medical equipment and common problems of preemies. Your hospital may also offer a video or booklet about the NICU. If information becomes stressful, cut your visit short and come back another day.

“The NICU can seem like a foreign land with an unfamiliar language,” says Medas. Take your time to absorb this new world, and don’t be afraid to ask questions. Some suggestions:

* What are visiting hours, and who can visit?
* Will my babies be placed near each other?
* How can I participate in my babies’ care?
* Does the NICU encourage skin-to-skin contact, music therapy, or infant massage?
* Are multiples co-bedded (placed in the same bed)?
* What resources are available to parents of premature babies and multiples?
* Is there a developmental program (occupational and physical therapy) for preemies?
* Is there a place for parents to spend the night?
* Is CPR training offered?

Researching Resources
On bed rest and with time on her hands, Desiree created a notebook of resources she’d need after the twins’ birth: “I made a list of dependable support systems, those who I could really count on like my church to provide meals and sitters my girls really liked.” She also included important names and phone numbers, such as her insurance provider and pediatrician, and she rented a pager so the NICU could reach her.

To find out what services and help you may need following your babies’ birth, talk with your hospital social worker or a nurse. Also, ask if there are any local preemie parent or mothers of multiples support groups: A parent of preemie multiples can offer first-hand advice. Mothers of Supertwins (631-859-1110) and The Triplet Connection (209-474-0885) offer programs and literature to support expectant mothers of multiples.

Desiree joined a mothers of multiples club in her third trimester. “At first, it was scary because all of the mothers of twins in the group had delivered prematurely,” she says, “but it also gave me hope to see that their children were okay, and they offered great support.”

Breastmilk Basics
When you’re coping with pregnancy complications and the risk of premature babies, thinking about breastfeeding can be daunting, to say the least. But learning about breast milk and how it can help your babies is something important you can do for your babies.

“Some doctors consider breast milk a medicine for preemies,” says Medas. Research shows breastmilk is less stressful on a preemie’s digestive system and kidneys, provides important antibodies that fight infection, and protects against allergies.

Babies who are born very small and very sick will not have the ability to breastfeed during their first days or weeks of life, but they can receive breast milk through a feeding tube placed in their nose or mouth. This means mothers have to pump and store their milk. A lactation consultant with knowledge of a preemie’s special needs can provide instruction. Ask your pediatrician, the hospital staff, or the La Leche League (800-525-3243) for a referral. Many NICUs have lending libraries that include breast-feeding books and videos, too.

“Even if you can’t or choose not to breastfeed, you can still provide your babies with the best nutrition possible,” says Medas. And it’s something only you, a mother, can do.

Preemie Parenthood
“I was prepared for the monitors and technology in the NICU, but it was still overwhelming to see those two tiny little babies,” says Desiree. “I couldn’t see their faces because of the wires and tape. I couldn’t hold them or feed them. I felt like I had really lost out.”

If your babies’ birth can’t be delayed and you become a parent of preemie multiples, like Desiree and Will, you’ll face many emotions: guilt, anger, sadness, and fear, to name a few. Having more than one baby adds to the stress: You may have two sets of medical complications to cope with, maybe even two sets of healthcare providers.

Making arrangements for help before your babies’ birth is a good idea (whether or not you delivery prematurely). You’ll need time to take care of yourself so that you’ll have the energy to take care of your babies and family.

After a difficult pregnancy, you’ll also need time to reflect on your losses. To help you cope with your feelings before and after delivery, consider starting a journal, or find someone who listens well (another parent, a social worker, a mental health expert, an Internet chat room (such as the TWINS™ Magazine Message Board), or a clergy member).

“Remember, feeling is healthy,” says Mara Stein, a Chicago clinical psychologist who delivered twin girls ten weeks early. “But if your feelings start getting in the way of your life, affecting your marriage or other relationships, or you find yourself constantly feeling sad, you may need professional help,” she says. Consult a trained therapist, such as a psychologist, psychiatrist, social worker, or family counselor.

“Becoming a parent of preemies is the hardest thing you’ll ever have to do,” says Desiree, whose twins are now eight months old. “But when I look at David and Isaiah and see them smile, I know it’s all been worth it.”

 


Amy E. Tracy is the author of The Pregnancy Bed Rest Book (Berkley Trade, 2001), and the co-author of Your Premature Baby and Child (Berkley Trade, 1999). Visit her Web site at www.pregnancybedrest.com.

 


Who’s Who in the NICU

Neonatologist: a doctor who is specially trained in the care of premature and sick babies
Registered Nurse: has graduated from an accredited school of nursing; these nurses provide much of the daily care of preemies.

Neonatal Nurse Practitioner: a registered nurse who has advanced training in neonatal care.

Clinical Neonatal Nurse Specialist: a registered nurse who has additional neonatal training in patient and nurse education.

Social Worker: can provide information on nonmedical care, such as insurance coverage, emotional support, and transportation.

Respiratory Therapist: a specialist who provides the respiratory needs of ill babies.

Developmental Therapists: help enhance a baby’s physical development.

Medical Specialists: doctors with further specialized training in such areas as the eyes, heart, lungs, and brain.

NICU Baby Books
NICU Notebook: A Parent’s Journal
Available from:
Mothers of Supertwins
PO Box 951
Brentwood, NY 11717
www.mostonline.org
877-434-MOST (6678)

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The Twin Bond https://twinsmagazine.com/the-twin-bond/ https://twinsmagazine.com/the-twin-bond/#respond Thu, 16 Dec 2021 14:54:00 +0000 http://copywriterweekly.com/?p=453 by Patricia A. Malmstron, M.A. Congratulations! Welcome to the grand adventure of twin care. If you’re anything like the rest of us parents who have given birth to multiples, it’s likely that you have little on your mind but survival-the babies and your own. You are doing everything you can to maintain a healthy pregnancy. […]

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by Patricia A. Malmstron, M.A.

Congratulations! Welcome to the grand adventure of twin care. If you’re anything like the rest of us parents who have given birth to multiples, it’s likely that you have little on your mind but survival-the babies and your own. You are doing everything you can to maintain a healthy pregnancy. And, you are making practical plans for organizing the household and getting the help you will need to function well in the sleepy fog that comes with the early days and weeks of baby care. As family and friends help you accomplish the practical things on your to-do list, you will begin to feel more in control. Your worries will fade a little. You will begin to believe that you really are going to have twins-or more-and to imagine what life will be like for your babies who are going to be born together.

“How will I bond with both or all of my babies at once?” you may wonder. This is a natural concern for we know that newborns need loving attention in order to thrive. The truth is you can indeed bond with two or more, but the process will be a little different from bonding with one single-born baby. Perhaps your experience won’t meet your expectations of falling equally in love with each of the babies on day one. More than likely your first bond will be with the group. In the early foggy days you will put one foot in front of the other to meet their needs. As one mother recalled, “Our life was a marathon of feeding, changing, burping, walking the floor, then starting all over again. Some days I couldn’t remember which baby had been fed and which one still needed his bath.” Gradually, through the haze of your daily routines, you will being to pick up the clues that each baby gives you about who they are and what they need. Harry may need to be walked for fifteen minutes to settle him down after every feeding. Roger, on the other hand, may fall asleep while nursing and need to have his feet tickled to keep him awake. As you respond to each of their individual needs, you and the babies will learn more about each other and your connections will deepen.

But supposing one or more of the babies has to stay in the hospital longer than the other? What then? How can you bond when your heart is stretched between the baby in the nursery at home and the one in the hospital? One dad explained, “We did our best to give each baby what he needed. We worried day and night about Andy in the hospital. We took turns visiting him and caring for Charlie at home. My mother came and helped with Charlie, too, so that Anne and I could visit Andy together sometimes. Knowing that Charlie was in good hands was a terrific relief.”

It’s true that newborns require consistent loving care, but they won’t mind if does not always come from you. Arrange for the best substitute care you can find. You will have plenty of time to get better acquainted when everyone comes home from the hospital. Remember that bonding is not a single event; it is a process. And you can take heart from the adage that “All good things take time.”

Keep in mind, too, the benefits the babies gain from their relationship. They have already bonded with each other in the womb. Research is beginning to produce evidence that newborn twins are a comfort to each other. The presence of one can even improve the other’s health. You may be able to tap this resource by arranging to bring the well baby for a visit with his or her co-twin in the hospital.

Whether or not your babies come home together or separately, the relationship between them will shape their lives right from the start. They are individuals who are born as members of a team. They will grow up with a strong relationship to the other members of their team. Their relationship bond brings with it life-enhancing possibilities which are seldom enjoyed by single-born children. Soon they will begin to light up with joy at the sight of each other. Their daily companionship during early childhood lays the foundation for lifelong comraderie. Even pairs who have a feisty relationship will come to each other’s defense when another child tries to take away a toy or a stranger is critical of one.

Their close connection also challenges common notions regarding the individuation process. Since they come into the world in a relationship with each other, they will experience and relate to you and the rest of their family both as individuals and as members of their team. They share many early experiences as a team, however, they each have their own perception of those experiences. You will soon discover that they are not the “two little bookends” one mother imagined before her girls were born.

The way parents respond to this reality affects the way multiples see themselves and it affects the way others relate to them, too. Now, before they arrive is a good time to think through the ways in which you will help yourself and others identify each child as an individual. People will have no trouble seeing the babies as a group!

An excellent place to start is with the choice of their names. As you go through the selection process keep in mind that names that are distinctly different from each other, like Susan and Jane, will help people learn who is who. Names that underscore the children’s status as multiples such as ones that begin with the same letter or sound very similar such as, Deanne and Leanne, make it difficult for others to remember which child is which.

Another arena in which you can help keep their identities straight is clothes. Dressed alike your babies will stop traffic for few can resist a peek at multiples. This attention-getting approach to their wardrobes can be fun now and then, but when practiced on a daily basis it submerges the children in their team and reduces the chances of their being treated like the individuals they are. I remember a pair of shy teenage girls who dressed alike every day. When their classmates asked why, they replied in unison, “We’re twins and twins are supposed to dress alike.” How sad for them that their devotion to twinship kept them isolated from their classmates.

All of the above may seem like abstractions until your babies are born and you experience the dynamics of their different personalities. They will quickly teach you about themselves by the ways in which they respond to you and their environment. One may be content to snuggle and sleep for long periods. Another may be wide-eyed and curious, following everything that goes on in the household. You may be surprised and amazed to find that although you are the one providing their nurture and care, they are the ones leading the way.


Patricia Malmstom, Director of Twin Services Consulting, is the co-author of The Art of Parenting Twins (Ballantine Books, 1999) and the mother of four adult children, including monozygotic “identical” twins.

 

Keys to developing individuality & supporting the twin relationship

• Give each baby what they need when they need it.

• Choose distinctive names.

• Dress babies differently from each other.

• Allow co-multiples to enjoy each other’s company.

• Teach respect for each other’s differences and similarities.

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Q&A With Twins Expert Dr. Nancy Segal, Author of Deliberately Divided https://twinsmagazine.com/qa-with-dr-nancy-segal-author-of-deliverately-divided/ https://twinsmagazine.com/qa-with-dr-nancy-segal-author-of-deliverately-divided/#respond Thu, 16 Dec 2021 08:28:00 +0000 https://staging2.twinsmagazine.com/?p=19960058 Dr. Nancy L. Segal is Professor of Psychology at California State University, Fullerton, and Director of the Twin Studies Center. She has authored over 250 articles and six books on twins and twin development. Dr. Segal’s seventh book, Deliberately Divided: Inside the Controversial Study of Twins and Triplets Adopted Apart, was released in November 2021. […]

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Dr. Nancy L. Segal is Professor of Psychology at California State University, Fullerton, and Director of the Twin Studies Center. She has authored over 250 articles and six books on twins and twin development.

Dr. Segal’s seventh book, Deliberately Divided: Inside the Controversial Study of Twins and Triplets Adopted Apart, was released in November 2021. This work provides the first in-depth look at the lives of the intentionally separated twins, their families, the study in which they were unknowingly enrolled and the psychiatrists who orchestrated that research.

Dr. Nancy J. Segal recently shared insights with us about her upcoming book and the controversial study.

The NYC twin study, which began in the early 1960s, is not well known. How did you first hear about it?

I heard about it when I arrived at the U of MN as a post-doc in 1982 and there was discussion of a planned expose of the study by 60 Minutes, CBS—but that never happened.

Who were the main investigators?   

Drs. Viola W. Bernard and Peter B. Neubauer, both prominent psychoanalytic psychiatrists.

What was the actual purpose of the study? 

To see how different parenting styles affected the development of identical twins reared apart—to solve the nature-nurture issue for good.

Can you please describe the twin sample and how it was assembled?

They studied 5 sets of adopted-apart identical twins and one set of adopted-apart identical triplets—one identical set was ultimately dropped from the study due to different dates of adoption and large birth weight difference. Unwed moms relinquished their babies for adoption at the Louise Wise Services; they were placed apart, even when common placement was requested.

What types of tests were given to the twins and triplets?

Intelligence and personality—they were also photographed and filmed.

The study has been very controversial over the years. Why is that? 

There was no informed consent. The twins were denied the chance to enjoy a celebrated relationship. Adoptive parents were never told that they were raising a single twin.

In the 1960s, there were no formal IRBs (Institutional Review Boards) at universities and other research institutes. Some people say that we should not judge what the researchers did by today’s standards. What is your opinion?

Just because some practices may be within legal limits does not mean they are morally correct. I believe that the study was unethical and immoral.

I understand that the twins’ data files were placed in the Yale University archives, not to be released until 2065. Who is responsible for doing that, and why was this done?

The Jewish Board of Family and Children’s Services in NY placed the files at Yale, but who made that decision to do so remains a mystery.

Have the twins been able to get access to their own data?

Some twins have, but it is an arduous process, requiring approval from the Jewish Board. Much of the material has been redacted.

I know that you have written a book that is probably the most comprehensive account for this study and its aftermath. The book is called, Deliberately Divided: Inside the Controversial Study of Twins and Triplets Adopted Apart. It has a release date of November 2021—is it now available?

Yes, it is available on many websites. Reviews are posted on Amazon.com and on my website: drnancysegaltwins.org.

Why did you decide to write it?  

I wrote the book to tell the stories of the twins, to help them get their data, and to be sure this horrific episode in the history of psychology is never repeated.

Tell us a little about what is in the book that is not in the two documentary films that came out about the study, The Twinning Reaction, which you just saw, and also Three Identical Strangers

The life stories of twins, the investigators’ backgrounds, the failed publishing attempts, and attempts to derail the film from earning awards are all included in my book.

You studied many pairs of twins reared apart when you were at the University of Minnesota. And you have an ongoing study of young Chinese twins who were separated indirectly because of China’s One-Child Policy. How is what you did and are doing different from what Drs. Neubauer and Bernard did back in the 60s and 70s?

I have the full consent of the twins and their families.

The University of Minnesota study produced some ground-breaking findings regarding the roots of human behavior. In your view, did the Neubauer-Bernard collaboration discover anything that will have a lasting impact?

We do not know what was discovered since the few publications are only case studies and the data have been hidden. But it is unlikely—they also had a very small sample, so any results would hardly be representative.

Finally, do you have any closing comments you would like to make?

I hope that people will buy the book and gain a greater appreciation for the majority of researchers who are ethical and generous and care so deeply about twins.

[amazon box=”B09HGZGRSD”]

More about Dr. Nancy L. Segal

Segal’s 2012 book, Born Together-Reared Apart: The Landmark Minnesota Twin Study, won the 2013 William James Book Award from the American Psychological Association. Her other books include Accidental Brothers; The Story of Twins Exchanged at Birth and the Power of Nature and Nurture (2018), Twin Mythconceptions: False Beliefs, Fables and Facts About Twins (2017), Someone Else’s Twin: The True Story of Babies Switched at Birth (2011), Indivisible by Two: Lives of Extraordinary Twins (2007) and Entwined Lives: Twins and What They Tell Us About Human Behavior (2000).

Her work has been featured in the New York Times and the Wall Street Journal. A letter referencing twins and alternative lives appeared in “The Mail” column of the New Yorker Magazine, January 25, 2021. She has appeared on national and international television and radio programs, including The Today Show, 20/20, Long Lost Lives, AirTalk (NPR), and Hidden Brain (NPR).

Segal was also a Contributing Research Editor for Twins Magazine (1984-1998). In 2022, she will be filming for a BBC mini-series on Nature and Nurture.

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Am I an I or a We: Helping twins to be individuals https://twinsmagazine.com/am-i-an-i-or-a-we-helping-twins-to-be-individuals/ https://twinsmagazine.com/am-i-an-i-or-a-we-helping-twins-to-be-individuals/#respond Thu, 16 Dec 2021 04:47:00 +0000 http://copywriterweekly.com/?p=424 I am an identical twin. When I talk about my history prior to the time I went off to college, I find myself using the pronoun “we.” After college, I use the pronoun “I.” The question of individual identity is a profound issue for twins. A television talk show aired a feature on triplets. One […]

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I am an identical twin. When I talk about my history prior to the time I went off to college, I find myself using the pronoun “we.” After college, I use the pronoun “I.” The question of individual identity is a profound issue for twins. A television talk show aired a feature on triplets. One set of triplets had, as individuals, participated in a beauty contest. Another set of triplets entered a beauty contest as one person and won. Not only do multiples have issues about whether or not they are individuals, but the rest of the world has strong feelings about it also.

As a psychologist working with twins, I have found that twins express a wide range of ideas about twinship and individuality. Some confess to believing that, separated, they are less than a whole human being, and together they are an unusually powerful human being. There is also a frequent theme of “good” twin and “evil” twin as if in their separation one became the embodiment of good and the other of evil. Some twins report a fear that parents confused their identities as newborns, and that they will never know who is really who. Some describe their twin as the other side of them. Still, others say that when they want to be by themselves it really means they want to be with their twin.

In developmental psychology and psychoanalysis, we learn that separateness and difference between self and other is a slowly evolving understanding. According to this premise, we all begin life as a whole, undifferentiated from others, knowing no demarcation of self and other. As we develop psychologically, we come to understand that we are indeed differentiated and split off from what we once were a part of.

When some people see identical twins, they may have an uneasy feeling that stems from an unconscious memory of not being fully differentiated. They may recognize a wish to be able to exist as an individual and yet not do so. In other words, in twins, people can see the possibility of eliminating the pain and loneliness of individuality while still remaining individual. This potential may explain the world’s fascination with twins. Even twins themselves feel this fascination.

An identical twin told me the following story. She was in a beauty shop where she saw a set of identical twins sitting side-by-side under the hairdryers talking to each other. She watched them with fascination and had the thought, “I wonder what that feels like.” Then she remembered that she was an identical twin. What she felt was the longing that all people experience to be back in a time prior to the existence of separation and loneliness, to be one with another person. Because twins shared the same womb before birth and before psychological separateness, I believe they can feel this longing infinitely more intensely than non-twins.

One of the most widely circulated photos in the last few years tenderly demonstrates that the twin bond is formed in the womb. A 1995 article in the Worcester Gazette (Mass.) entitled “The Rescuing Hug,”* described twins born prematurely and put in separate incubators, a standard practice. Three weeks after birth one of the twins was in critical condition; the nurses were unable to stabilize her and feared she would die. With the parents’ consent, they put the twins together in one incubator. The healthy twin snuggled up to the sick twin and wrapped her tiny arm around her sister. Within minutes the sick twin’s blood oxygen rates were the best they had been since she was born.

How these–or any twins–move from a “we” position to an “I” position is a primary task of childhood and sometimes adulthood. It is a difficult task for any human being, and exponentially so for twins. Through repetitive interactions with our environment, we begin to discover who we are by separating ourselves out from the rest of the world. The primary separation is from mother.

For twins and triplets, however, the process is complicated by the fact that they must learn to distinguish themselves from a constant companion. To the extent that they appear identical, the task will be that much more difficult. This process begins around 6 months of age. Parents discover that a baby who previously would let many people hold him will no longer do so. We call this “stranger anxiety” and it implies that the baby has begun to separate people, including himself, from others. Interestingly, psychological researchers have found that often between the ages of 6 and 10 months twins seem to become highly aware of each other while being averse to gazing at each other. It is as if in this time of initial separation and individuation the presence of one so similar to oneself is somehow troubling.

If parents treat twins as a unit, it can hinder the process of attaining an individual identity, even for infants. To the extent parents can experience and treat their multiples as individuals, the greater will be their children’s ability to experience themselves as individuals. The more individuated each multiple is, the more stable his or her relationship will be throughout the trials of life. Developing as an individual is not a threat to the twin bond, but contributes to the health of the twinship.

How parents help twins and triplets develop their own identities must be done on a child-by-child basis. No one answer is right for all twins. I have many stories from twins I’ve worked with in psychotherapy who describe severe trauma from being separated. I also have many stories of twins suffering trauma from not being separated. Parents must evaluate the individual situations. Regarding wearing the same clothes, sharing birthday parties, having play dates together, and so on, look at the twins as individuals and explore, with their help, what is in each one’s best interest. While we don’t necessarily accept their judgment as final, considering their wishes certainly increases the possibility of making healthy decisions for twin children.

Most of the twins I have worked with express the feeling of being a twin as a blessing, regardless of the complications involved. They point out that they have a head start on human relationships. In helping twins become healthy individuals, secure in their own identities, and able to form satisfying and fulfilling relationships with others, we teach them to balance unity and separation. Ultimately, they can enjoy being close with another person in a way that is never experienced by a non-twin and satisfies an intense longing in the human condition.

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