But today, as a parent, I turn my attention towards my children and find great joy in watching them revel in anticipation of Santa and the presents under the tree. 

As a psychologist, one of my goals is to help clients bring their life back into balance.

However, this Christmas, my children are reminding me of a strategy that not only allows people to feel more balanced but helps them to get in touch with their true, authentic selves.  

The strategy that my fantastic five-year-old twins are reminding me of is the value of play, and the role that fun has in reducing stress and bringing me back to my true self. 

Winnicott and the Power of Play

Donald Winnicott (1896-1971) was a child psychiatrist who talked about the concept of True self versus False self. He says that everybody is born with a True Self – the happy, innocent, problem-free, creative, curious, and playful human qualities that are most evident in childhood. 

Over time, though, as the child gets older and becomes an adult, the child loses connection with their True Self. What then emerges is a False Self. The False Self is the part that’s often associated with being orderly, mannerly, proper, and behaving in ways that will help the person fit into society. 

What’s important to remember is that the role of the False Self is to protect the True Self. The False Self emerges to help the child (or adult) cope with their environment. 

A person’s True Self never goes away. It only remains hidden and covered up by the False Self. 

Play Exposes the True Self   

Winnicott strongly believed that when an adult engages in any activity that resembles play, it helps the adult reconnect with their true, authentic self. In other words, the True Self emerges when we find activities that allow us to have fun.

Whether it’s engaging in physical activity (such as playing a sport, participating in fitness classes), being creative (painting, drawing, writing, listening to music, singing backup vocals to your favourite tune), hanging out with friends, or playing board games. Any different activities that remove you from your day-to-day world can help you to connect with your authentic self. 

When you spend time connecting and having fun with your children (whether they are two years old or 30-years old), you bring yourself back down to a younger level, which helps you reconnect with your True Self.

And when you spend time playing and doing activities that bring a sense of enjoyment and pleasure to your life, you are reducing stress and bringing yourself back into a more balanced state. 

I hope your Christmas and the holiday season allow you to laugh and play and provide you with an opportunity to reconnect with your True Self. 

The post De-stress through the power of play appeared first on TWINS Magazine.

So how do children fare in this online environment? What sort of things should we consider as parents and educators to support our youth in this new set of challenges? Will these new circumstances create extra anxiety? What about our students with learning differences who may already be experiencing some anxiety in their schooling experiences?

When you consider some of the cognitive load that comes with online learning, there are many new potential stresses being introduced to the learning environment:

• Wifi or internet issues: freezing screens, downed internet, internet hiccups that might kick you out of your call temporarily (and missing content or instructions due to any of the above).
• New technology: trying to figure out how to open and use new software, how to save items, how to submit or “turn in” items, how to flip between seeing the live class and programs that you are supposed to be working on.
• Discomfort being on screen: it takes time to get used to having your face on the screen for all to see! There definitely could be some self-consciousness around this.
• Background noises: many students who are working from home may be contending with siblings who are also doing distance learning, parents working from home, pets running around, household chores being done, etc.
• Increased screen time in one place: especially in elementary school, kids are not used to sitting in one spot for long periods of time. They move from desk to small groups, to the library, to the gym, to the carpet, etc. They are not used to staring at a computer screen or being in one spot for such long periods.

When you look at all of these new potential items that children are contending with, within this context, it helps to understand how an online learning environment can produce extra anxiety and stress.

“Living with anxiety is like being followed by a voice. It knows all your insecurities and uses them against you. It gets to the point when it’s the loudest voice in the room. The only one you can hear.” – Unknown

Let’s chat about some of the things to keep in mind while assessing how our kids are TRULY doing from an emotional and mental health perspective during online learning:

Thought #1: Many of the things that cause school-related stress (keeping up with classmates and the pace of the class, not understanding content, time pressures on tests, having a hard time staying on task, etc.) will still trigger anxiety when learning at home. Those same stresses exist whether in a physical classroom or a virtual one.

Thought #2: Consider what the intended outcome is for attending school (to love learning, to develop and grow, to prepare us for the future, etc). Those are still the same goals but they have just become more complicated. We don’t know how the future will look and it is easy for all of us (kids included!) to feel hopeless and nervous about the possibilities.

Thought #3: There is still social pressure with online/remote learning. People are allowing access into their personal spaces and environment in a different way. This could create the possibility for ridicule, shame, and bullying. Kids also do not have their regular friends with them to chat with or feel supported by. This can be isolating and leave students feeling even more alone.

Thought #4: When we’re overwhelmed by the pressure we shut down, browse the web, and put off the tasks that are draining our energy. Our kids will do the same thing and when they get behind, procrastination, worry, and guilt might become a cyclical issue.

Thought #5: New York Times teachers found that about half of their students didn’t log into their remote learning courses. We have to consider the why behind this. It is easy to jump to the conclusion that those students don’t want to learn or are unmotivated (which is why they didn’t log on). However, we must look at students as individual people, each with their own set of circumstances. They may not be logging on due to many different reasons: anxiety, uncertainty, fear, family issues, tech issues, etc., and not just due to motivation issues.

Thought #6: Those with anxiety often feel uncomfortable with unpredictability and change. Right now online learning may seem to be the safest option for education, but there are also a lot of changes that come along with this mode of learning.

There have been so many changes this year. We need to keep checking in with our kids. Some of the struggles and anxieties they may be feeling are ones we can predict, others may take a little more digging, and need to be looked at from different angles and perspectives. With the unpredictability and uncertainty of life and learning right now, it is easy for anxiety to creep in.

So as a reminder to all of us, here are some common ways anxiety might manifest:

• Inability to focus
• Fear of school
• Tantrums over school/homework
• Headaches
• Stomach aches
• Restlessness
• Rapid breathing

Online learning can provide some great benefits to kids with learning differences such as ADHD, dyslexia, or LD over in-person classes. Let’s not look at either option as “the ideal” since none of our current options are perfect for our kids right now.

Instead, let’s support, nurture, guide, and watch out for them, and each other as we all ride this rollercoaster full of anxieties, uncertainties, and hopefully some moments of gratitude together.

“If we could look into each other’s hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care.” – Marvin J. Ashton

For more online learning tips and resources for children with learning differences, visit www.shiftyourthinkingld.com.

The post Assessing Your Child’s Mental Health While Learning Online appeared first on TWINS Magazine.

And for young people interacting over the Internet, the temptation for abuse and to wander to areas dubbed the “dark web” can lead any “well adjusted” individual into addiction or worse, isolation and loneliness, let alone those with compromised mental health issues. Even if they do not become victim to the dark web, there is a preponderance of “fake news” and even “fake ads.” This phenomena is documented in my own paper, Industrial age advertising identifies solutions for a 21st century social network driven world at the Internet, Politics, Policy 2018: Long Live Democracy conference at Oxford. The most fascinating walk away from the conference was that so called normal or well-adjusted individuals may from time to time reshare information about a political candidate they want to see elected even if they have not properly vetted that information for accuracy and its source. We are all responsible to read between the internet lines and use information wisely. The implications for our youth can be even more consequential than in adults.

Youth who exhibit any number of traits along the “atypical” categories are among those most at risk when it comes to properly understanding information, interacting with social media, and the internet. For example, kids struggling with anxiety, depression, or a plethora of other mental health issues. 

On top of the strains of social media, these children face other battles as well. Some face difficulties socializing or deal with a mental illness, but it is not properly treated because age becomes a barrier. My son, Ethan, took his own life. He was autistic and struggled socially. He also was an example of a child who could never get an accurate diagnosis because of his age. He had a mood disorder and found himself in the juvenile justice system. Despite his struggles, we never believed he would take his own life. Honestly, I don’t believe any parent expects it or sees it coming. However, suicide rates continue to climb. For each child the reasons vary, and it could come from multiple feelings.

An 11-24-19 report on the CBS television show 60 minutes showcased a team from Carnegie Mellon University who believe for many people who take their lives, their brains are wired differently. These feelings of taking their life may not be necessarily tied to a current situation or atypical diagnosis. So it might not be about medication to deal with the feelings as much as that scientists might be able to rewire brains so the feelings of ideation can be curtailed. 

As a result of my son becoming a foot soldier of the mental health crisis ending in his life, I intend to raise awareness in schools and beyond. I have met with a state senator and plan to testify before a Michigan legislative committee about the juvenile justice system’s handling of children with mental illness. The system is flawed and needs adjusting for children like my son. It’s too late for him, but by joining forces and through education I believe we might be able to slow it down.

My book, “Ethan’s Healthy Mind Express” — co-authored with Emily Waszak — went on sale on Amazon on Nov. 23, International Survivors of Suicide l Day. The book we believe is the first children’s mental health primer and we include 5 lessons including a warning to avoid the dark web, areas of the Internet that can lead to isolation or mistrust. My wife, Stacey, and I hope to use the proceeds from the book to go into schools with the Ethan’s Healthy Mind Express story. 

My wife and I also started the Ethan Bean Mental Wellness Foundation (EBMWF) with a mission to help distribute the latest research and information to assist in leading an international conversation about mental wellness and let each individual family decide how to best mitigate the potential risks. 

It takes the whole community. As we say in the book, “It’s not just the train, it’s really the track!” meaning it’s not just the kids who need to understand how to get along, the community must consider new ways to help inclusion and new ways to combat feelings of suicide for those with suicide ideation. . I never want Ethan to be forgotten. He felt like he was. Our public school system couldn’t help him. Our juvenile justice system couldn’t help him. Only we, as a community, can create the change necessary to ease the suicide epidemic. It is up to us to protect our youth.

Resources:

Here are good resources on exploring the internet and its societal affects, to simply let you know who they are so you can follow them how you see a fit knowing yourself, your children, and your family. 

Educational:

• Oxford Internet Institute, Oxford University, ENG
• Informing Science Institute, Santa Cruz, CA, USA
• The Center for Internet Research, Haifa, Israel
• JMIR Mental Health, one of many journals on topic
• Mental Health America
• Related articles via Google Scholar
• Startling real-time health statistics at worldometers.info

Governmental:

• National Institute of Mental Health
• World Health Organization
• Center for Disease Control and Prevention

For additional information on the Internet and mental health, see this study published on Aug. 13, 2019, in The Lancet, Roles of cyberbullying, sleep, and physical activity in mediating the effects of social media use on mental health and wellbeing among young people in England: a secondary analysis of longitudinal data. 

The research community is waking up to the risks and hopes you stay tuned to the EBMWF so we can take this information and aid those we reach.  We are just establishing ourselves and open to collaborating with other like-minded people and organizations for the sake of better mental health for all.

The post Social Media, The Internet, and Mental Health appeared first on TWINS Magazine.